Sunday, June 29, 2014

A Journey to Your True North... What Guides You?

As I prepare for my soon to be released TV show

Pathfinder Series
A Journey to Your True North

I search to see what guides and motivates you to keep moving and searching for your authentic self? 


Everyone Has A Story 
A journey that has brought them to this place in their lives. 
An Evolution of Family Struggles & Personal Victories...
Symbols & Stories... Folklore & Myth. Truth & Traditions.... 

All Food for thought on this Journey to find 
My True North and to Guide You to Discover Yours as well.

In the days of self-help, self-development and the search for information... 
What is the source of that inner drive?

Most of us have anchors that lend to our sense of self: community, family, religion... history. But, what keeps us searching for more... An end point, a goal, a grand plan for life the keeps us shifting, growing and moving forward. Drive --- 

I help clients on a daily basis to gain clarity; in this age where information is at our fingertips and there is an overload of coaching and education... It can paralyze us and keep us churning in place... loosing the path to move forward toward our True North. Drive mired by too much information, without a way to process it and put the knowledge into actionable steps... 

Sitting here taking a look at the things that drive me...  My internal compass and what makes me tick, 

I am drawn back to the innate gifts of my ancestors. 

I was not raised in or around my tribe, 
yet I clearly have traits that are strengths among my people...

My Northeastern Native American Tribe - The Passamaquoddy doesn't look like the Indians that you see in the movies... Yet... It looks like me. Is my internal compass guided by my ancestors?
  • In doing my research their medicine wheel has a True North that points to empathy. Their healers desired & developed this gift.
    • I am a strong empathic intuitive from birth, which I use to help heal and bring clarity to my clients.
  • The Passamaquoddy were spear fishermen and lived on the water. Their lives depended on it.
    • I am innately drawn to the water. I am miserable without water and I am at calm and peace when in or around water... Many times it's not enough to touch water... I need to physically cross a body of water...
  • Folklore of the Passamaquoddy includes stories of mermaids...
    • I have often joked that I was a mermaid in a past life...
  • Folklore for my tribe looks & feels different than Western Tribes. It resembles Russian Folklore.
    • Another passion of mine is Russian art and history from the period that is closely related to the folklore of the Passamaquoddy. I am innately drawn to it.
  • The tribe is located in upstate Maine and into Nova Scotia.
    • I have been drawn to the Northeast since I was a child and have identified with the East Coast more than the West Coast. 
  • They were world-class craftsmen when it came to birch-bark canoes. They also practiced highly decorative forms of basket-weaving, and carpentry.
    • Art and the creation of items has been a cornerstone in my life since birth and I have made a living most of my life through that create outlet. 
  • The particular traditional types of art and patterns would be something that I would be drawn to... without knowing or seeing it prior to my research. Very Unique in nature and design.
    • Art speaks to my soul. I am emotionally driven by art 
  • They maintained a nomadic existence in the well-watered woods and mountains of the coastal region
    • I never get lost... You can drop me in the middle of the wilderness and I can find my way home. It has happened. I have led a group of lost hikers out of the wilderness when they were lost on a hike. Whether urban or rural... I don't need a map. I have a keen Spacial awareness. This is a gift...

Has my Native American genes and ancestral lifestyle canalized certain behaviors, likes and desires so deeply in me that it drives me today? Coincidences? Maybe... This is just food for thought...

What symbols, patterns or influences can be 
connected with your journey & the creation of your story? 

We All Have a Story
I can't wait to hear Yours

Pathfinder Series
A Journey to Your True North
~Will air Late Summer~

Kimberly Reyes
Clarity & Growth Mentor, Master Networker,TV Host/Producer ,Author & Speaker

Kimberly Reyes Lifestyle by Design

Helping you design a life connected to your true North

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Are you caught up in chaos & being the Victim in your relationships?

When people say that they don't want chaos in relationships, but they always seem to end up there... What role are they playing 
What role are they forcing other people to play to fulfill their script?

Are you caught up in chaos & being the Victim in your relationships? 
I've done it... I think we all have. 
I encourage you to look at your relationships and break 
the old patterns that aren't serving you anymore.

I am not just talking about Love relationships... Patterns are carried over into all of our relationships and maybe... this is what is keeping Us from truly moving forward personally and professionally?

Clients have called me the Clarity Coach

Whether we know it or not, most of us react to life as victims. Whenever we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are unconsciously choosing to react as victim. This inevitably creates feelings of anger, fear, guilt or inadequacy and leaves us feeling betrayed, or taken advantage of by others.

Sometimes this shows up as self sabotage. When someone safe shows up for the victim... Instead of taking responsibility for their actions... the victim may lash out at the safe person for their own feelings of inadequacy. Making that person the villain - perpetrator. Other victims may gather around to support and keep the victim standing right where they are. 
It's all comfortable chaos.

There is a psychological and social model that was drawn out in 1968 by Stephen Karpman, in his article "Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis"  It is sometimes called the victim triangle and sometimes the drama triangle. (thank you to Richelle Jarrell for having this important conversation with me.)
The model outlines three roles that people tend to take in this type of social interaction:

  1. Victim - The person who plays the role of a victim
  2. Perpetrator - The person who pressures, coerces or persecutes the victim, and
  3. Rescuer - The rescuer, who intervenes, seemingly out of a desire to help the situation or the underdog.

For those that participate in this model, we all have a go to role. Mine has been Rescuer and today... Truth Teller. I know better and have fallen into this pattern with people lately. I have done it to stand in the space with them because I love them. I want them to just be and to support them on their journey. I have not gotten drawn into the chaos. I have however allowed people to claim the role of victim without calling them on it. That is just as bad... That is not being of service to them... and I know that it is not standing in my personal power. 

And now that I have refused to show up as the rescuer... I have been labelled the perpetrator. When you function in this paradigm you are playing one of the 3 roles. Which role have you taken up and what role are you requiring the people that care about you play to make you feel comfortable? 

When you put me in the role as rescuer... that is not me. I am not here to rescue anyone. I cannot save anyone. I can support them, Encourage them and be there as a teacher. I can be the safe place to land. I cannot save you... particularly from yourself. If you show up and sabotage that... You have created the dynamic and set me... up to fail. That is sabotaging both of us.

Honestly... When I stand in the role of rescuer... I am being the victim and the perpetrator to myself. I forgive ME--- for being so hard on myself, trying to save people that don't need to be saved, for allowing others to choose my path instead of walking my own healthy path... and for abusing myself in the process.

In the past... no one had to be hard on me. I was the hardest on myself. With the help of Richelle Jarell... I am letting that go <3 The most important loving relationship that I want in my life is with myself. I love me and I am the woman that I want to be.

Do you create chaos... blame the other and then cut & run? That is sabotage. Healthy is standing in the place where the healing begins.

There are many damaged souls. We are all on a journey. We ALL have the ability to shift paradigms, See ourselves authentically and move to a higher state of consciousness. Do you want to stay the victim or do you want to heal that pattern and move to a healthier state of being connected in relationships. You do not have to stay there. It is essential to see it, so that you can shift out of it. Being the victim is the truly the purest form of being a Me... Creating the chaos of an us against them mentality.... 

My Boundaries and a personal message to a few or many--- in the past, present and future: 

Relationships are complex. When I allow you to be fully you and express yourself... it does not give you permission to use me as an emotional punching bag. I am not here to take the wrath for every extrovert that you have ever come in contact with. I am not your mother, partner or the school yard bully. 

I am me all of the time: solid, consistent, kind and loving. I am not perfect. I have never asked you to be perfect. However, I don't Ever make you responsible for my healing, pain or journey. I have offered you love and support and asked for the same in return. 

I have never asked you to take on the role of victim, perpetrator or rescuer in my life and I have never offered to be any of those for you.

I love & believe in you. Nothing has changed- nothing ever does. It doesn't matter what happens in the chaotic world. My feelings don't change about people. They are not easy to gain and they are not apt to fade....

If you have the capacity to show up in a relationship that allows each other to be ourselves, move forward on our exploration of life and relationships in a healthy way without damaging the other... then I invite you into my circle. 

I am not responsible for your actions.  I will however be there to love you, help you up & to walk together side by side. No guilt. No blame. I own my stuff and you take responsibility for yours. I am not willing to carry it for you or save you from yourself. I will be there to support you as you work through it... There is a difference.

I am standing fully in my personal power. 
I am me. I love me. I am loving me.... 
I invite you to do the same. 

What does this model look like in your life? 


Helping you design a life connected to your true North

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Networking: Are you building a Professional or Social Network?

With my education, background in psychology and as a 
Master Networker & Super Connector --
I, Kimberly Reyes, am passionate about helping people make authentic connections that help them move forward in life and in business. It's all about how you see and are seen...

If you are not getting an  R.O.I. - Return on Your Investment... that means -- time & money spent -- 
You are building a Social Network... NOT a professional network that will help your business grow!

It's time to start thinking about Networking as part of your business strategy. It's not enough to just show up somewhere and hope that business drops in your lap. You can make this so much easier and profitable... when you learn a few tips, tools & techniques.

It's not about business cards... Everyone is taught about networking & business cards...

It's about People

I can give you 3 tips about business cards & put that topic to rest. 
Let's move past the business card & coffee date to real business growth & profits.

When searching for the right networking group, it's important to look beyond the 
name and mission statement to see 
the culture being perpetuated in the group.

The People are the KEY! 
The structure of the Organization is Vital...
But, each chapter will have it's own culture. 

When you break everything down it's always 
about the psychology of people and interpersonal relationships: Always.

One of the things that I work with and teach clients about is

How to recognize the motivating 
factor behind the people 
attending the Networking group or event.

Your time is valuable. It doesn't mean that one person is better or more important than another. It just means that we are all in a different place in our lives and businesses. We have different motivators. That is what makes life beautiful. What motivates you?

One technique I teach clients is that you don't need to meet everyone in the room... You need to meet the right people for you in the room. That doesn't mean that you don't talk to people or make connections where you can... It means that you are strategic about meeting a minimum of the 2-3 people that you identify as a good fit and make an effort to connect with those people before you leave the room....

Who is right for you? 
Who is showing up?

Who is the membership base and leadership of that group?

Does that group fit into your strategic networking plan?

Are they right for you 


Are they going to help you move your business forward?

Are they filling a different need for you?

All of the following are valid reasons for attending networking events. You need to know yourself and who is filling the room... Do you know and can you recognize them?

  • Some people are SoloPreneurs that miss people and just need to get out to make human contact. 
  • There are many Hoppers following the "dream" & the shiny penny... they jump from business opportunity to business opportunity and never excel and move forward in any business.
  • There are many people that are involved in multiple home businesses.
  • There are other entrepreneurial hobbiests that don't really need the business to excel to survive because they have a dual income family, retirement, second job... or other source of income. They like the idea and feel of owning a business. It may give them a sense of purpose... but, they are driven by a different model than the others.
  • There are people that are looking for recruits.
  • There are people looking to sell their products and services.
  • There are people looking for collaborative partners.
  • There are people looking for strategic alliances.
  • There are people that want to truly help you move your business forward
  • There are people that want to connect  you with people that help you move your business forward.
  • There are people there that are just there to find a way to help themselves.
What motivates You?  Who are You in the Room?  
Who do you want to be seen as?

For some people it's a Numbers Game

For most people it should be a Relationship Strategy

There should be MORE people emerging as Super Stars! 
I am teaching my clients how to work smarter ... not harder and turn Connections into Cash
Learn to leverage your networking connections to 
create profits for everyone involved....

Kimberly Reyes
Pathfinder, Lifestyle Curator, Super Connector, Master Networker, Author & Speaker

Helping you design a life connected to your true North

Monday, June 9, 2014

Coach after Coach after Coach... Are you chasing the shiny penny and Only Creating Confusion?

Coach after Coach after Coach... Are you chasing the shiny penny and Only Creating Confusion?

Working with clients on a daily basis, it's clear that there is a sea of confusion out there. A coaching epidemic where people have gotten so much divergent information that they are not sure what to do or what direction to move. It is paralyzing them, making them feel unsure and unequipped!

This is ONE of the key reasons people sign up for my 360 Degree V.I.P. Day. After doing a forensic analysis on the BIG picture, I help clients clear the clutter and chaos so that they can stand still and get a solid base to move forward. Clients can pick and choose what information they have gotten from coaching programs and incorporate that into an over all system. One size does not fit all. Take what you need and leave the rest behind. Stop beating yourself up for paying for coaching that didn't serve you. Let it go and let's fix it... so that you can move forward with power and clarity. Maybe you just need to be matched with the "right fit" coach...

Once you have a solid base and know where you are headed... I can refer you to vetted professionals... In the proper order... when you need them... so that you don't have to keep re-doing things over and over...

There are so any programs and people pitching their message, how do you know who to turn to, who is a good fit for you and who you can trust? One shiny penny and then another... BIG marketing campaigns... One message louder than the next... Who has the content and value to back up their packaging?

Here is one of the problems that I see...

Coaches are popping up everywhere... People are borrowing and stealing verbiage and messages. What happens when an amazing coach comes up with an incredible original idea, is super talented, can truly be of service to their clients and community... but they just aren't that spectacular at marketing or maybe they are just okay and haven't developed a marketing machine...

Someone else comes along, listens to that coaches original idea and message... and adapts the concepts and verbiage as their own. They are a marketing guru. Clients are lined up around the corner. They are charging top dollar and selling themselves as the best innovator, coach and problem solver. They are the shiny penny... Loud & Proud. Claiming all credit for creating the unique program. I often see these people selling, recruiting and promoting from a fear based model. That is unfair psychological warfare.... It's creating confusion, guilt and chaos in people's lives and businesses. However, the major Problem is... It's only the shell of the program that is the same... the words, the verbiage, the general concept...

How I explain it:

Think about the Olympic Runner's Coach. 
She has been at her post for years and developed a 

Unique 12 Step Program to Create 
A Winning Olympic Team and Produce Gold Medal Winners.

It's a detailed plan, well thought out, researched, tested, re-worked, successful and publicly implemented.

It involves:

  1. Team clothing - uniforms, specific shoes, style and shape for speed and performance
  2. Team colors - to create a sense of power, success and unity
  3. Dietary restrictions - a detailed account of what to eat and when for the best performance
  4. When to wake up
  5. When to sleep and how much sleep to get
  6. Performance Psychology
  7. Team building Psychology
  8. Workout Schedule - Work Smarter... not harder for best results - detailed outline for maximum results.
  9. Power Scheduling
  10. Community building
  11. Public Relations 
  12. Marketing to create cheerleader in the community

She has created  a winning system. Other teams and coaches have come along and watched her progress. What happens when one program succeeds? Others try to replicate it... and cash in on it's success.

An independent coach "borrows" the Olympic Coach's information, creates a program and recruits runners/athletes to take part in their independent coaching program.  The independent coach has the same shiny warm up suits, the sleek running shoes, a flashy team color, logo, and may have diet plan
and workout schedule. The website looks similar. It all looks fancy and professional from the outside. It appears to be an Olympic Gold Medal Athlete producing machine. The independent coach is successful at self promotion. He markets and recruits clients.

The problem is that the independent coach... has tried to bench mark from the Olympic Coach. They have captured verbiage, shiny objects, and the outer shell... BUT... the new coach does not have the content, experience or unique system to create an Olympic Gold Medal Athlete. They don't have the goods. They don't have the steps on how to get from point A to point B. They do not have what it takes, because they did not create the program. They copied the shell and marketed it as their own original system.... They adapted step 1 and step 12... but were not able to reproduce the details involved in steps 2-11. Their clients go through the steps over and over and over, are bewildered as to why the are not reaching GOLD. The athlete was not given the proper tools and techniques to become a Gold Medal Winner.... because they did not learn from the original system. They got side tracked with the shiny penny and bought into a lesser product that was marketed well.

There are Talented, Original, Amazing Coaches. 
I BELIEVE in Coaching. 
BELIEVE in Business Consultants. 

Get referrals from people you trust and then... interview. I am extremely careful with who I refer. Not everyone is a good fit and I am a super connector. I know who needs to work with who. I have vetted professional that I know and refer. It's one of my gifts and something that I do for clients. Make sure that the person that is referring you has your best interest at heart and that you feel good about the connection. Don't just follow the shiny penny... It's hard to watch clients struggle with this. Both they and their businesses are in pain. One shiny penny after the other....

I Honor & Appreciate You! 
Don't just follow the shiny penny...

With Gratitude,
Kimberly Reyes
Pathfinder, Lifestyle Curator, Super Connector, Master Networker, Author & Speaker

Kimberly Reyes Lifestyle by Design


Friday, June 6, 2014

When is it SAFE to be a GIVER?

Is it ever safe to be a Giver 
in a world
that seems full of takers and Me's?

Of course! 
I Invite You to
Be yourself & don't give up 
on Community. 

We have all learned lessons, been hurt-- 
had to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off & get right 
back out there and try it again.

It hurts my heart when I hear women say:
  • I don't trust other women anymore.
  • I have withdrawn and run from community because I've been hurt.
  • Women are mean, vindictive, selfish, & backbiting.
  • Men make better friends...

Yes there are people like that out there. The term mean girls didn't show up out of thin air... It shouldn't hold you back from living the fullest life that you can.

Harvard Health reports:
  • Men live a longer, healthier, happier life when they have-- a Wife.
  • Women live a longer, healthier, happier life when they have-- deeper, meaningful friendships and relationships with women.

 Get back out there! 
Create Community & Healthy Relationships 
Health & Happiness!

Be Conscious and Have Boundaries.

It doesn't mean that you give yourself away until your well is depleted.

We can all learn to do it better... 
Hence, one reason that I created the 
A community of Givers that end up Receiving Exponentially.

 I encourage you to embrace that beautiful, loving 
quality about yourself!
It's a gift, a strength... not a weakness. It's Lovely!


1.   Learn to Love Yourself & Acknowledge Your Gifts!
  • When you truly know yourself, acknowledge your gifts and see the positive instead of "tagging" characteristics as flaws or negatives... You can learn to love yourself and take back your personal power. 
  • It's imperative to stand in your personal power to create and consistently adhere to the boundaries that you have created.
2.  It's Okay to Say NO
  • Guilt be gone. My favorite mantra... "Guilt Sucks... Let it Go." Saying this over and over to myself has gotten me through some tough decisions & allowed me to learn to let the guilt go...
  • Give yourself permission to say no. You are a giver. You give all of the time. You do not need to over do it and give yourself away.
  • You have value. You can say no. 
  • When you shift the paradigm and the way that you think about giving, it lifts a huge weight off of your shoulders & When you say Yes... It's a gift... Not a duty or responsibility. 

3.  You need a clear view of the difference between a WE & a ME.
We's are inclusive. They want to collaborate & give to see the other succeed. They don't operate from a place of competition, sabotage or sole success. They are innately Givers.
  • Me's are all about themselves and really only give to GET in return. Some Me's are in transition. Don't isolate yourself. Be aware. Be conscious. Be kind. Don't be vulnerable.

4.  Are you giving to save someone or to see them truly successful? 
  • We need to look at and address Healthy giving.
  • There is a difference. No heavy lifting. Only those that want and are able to rise will. There is no saving anyone. We save ourselves. We can have the support of others... but to truly be saved we have to do the heavy lifting ourselves.

5.  Learn to Ask for what you Want & Need.... then Learn to receive what is being offered.
  • Think about this one. It's important. It's tough. It's beautiful when you get it.
  • Just because you are a giver does not mean that you do not need to receive in return. No one wants to be around a self-sacrificing martyr... It is actually selfish to just give in a community of givers and not allow others to give to you. 
  • If you truly want to be in community with givers - A WE needs you to receive what they are offering to you. It's a gift that they are giving you. They do not want to to receive from you if you are not accepting as well. 
  • Be aware of the difference - A Me doesn't care if you receive. A ME has no problem asking for what they want & need. A self-sacrificing martyr... that is a Giver attracts ME's...
  • Which sounds safer, more fulfilling and productive? 

6.  Give to Yourself First
  • Love Yourself First.
  • It's more than okay to take care of yourself. It is essential! How can you continue to give if your well has run dry?
  • My friend and Strategic Alliance Partner, Patrina Wisdom teaches women all about Sacred Self Care. Patrina invites her clients to take a break from their lives... take time to take care of themselves, while being surrounded by a sacred community of other women, take a moment to breathe... REJUVENATE, RECLAIM AND REVITALIZE your body, mind and spirit in her annual retreats. I invite you to check out her website if you are ready to learn the art of Sacred Self Care.
  • Baby Steps - You can do it. Just take the first step to learning to take care of yourself first.
Being a Giver 
is a Powerful Trait. 
Thank you 
for showing up in the world 
offering your gifts to others. 

I Honor & Appreciate You!

With Gratitude,
Kimberly Reyes
Pathfinder, Lifestyle Curator, Super Connector,Master Networker, Author & Speaker

Kimberly Reyes Lifestyle by Design


Thursday, June 5, 2014

Givers Syndrome - Is that working for You?

Givers Syndrome - Is that working for You?

If it's not... I say let's rethink it and shift your energy in a new direction! Shift your paradigm and the way that you think about giving.

Why do we always try to change our innate personality traits and hang a negative label on them?

I LOVE that I am a Giver! It expresses the feminine energy that is a deep part of who I am. When I suppress that part of me and function primarily from masculine energy in business... I am not balanced

or happy. Do I need boundaries? YES! Do I need to be conscious of who I give to & whether they are takers and never give back? YES!

One of my main messages in everything that I do: consulting, coaching, speaking, & writing is to help each of you learn to accept your innate gifts... AND to learn to see others in a new way so that you can honor and appreciate the people all around you. Once you see yourself clearly and the people in front of you... it will change your world.

Welcome to my V.I.P Day - Part of my work with clients is truly seeing yourself and your gifts. 
When you have clarity around how you are showing up in the world, what your innate gifts are, what brings you satisfaction and joy-- 
and how to leverage them for greater personal & professional success... life changes.

If you are an introvert - let's figure out why that is a positive.
If you are a giver - let's identify how that best serves you.
If you are an extrovert - let's figure out what is working, what isn't & how to soar.

None of these traits are negative. They need to be acknowledged and not put away & hidden. Stop letting the world tell you that you need to be like someone else. I don't want you to be anyone but you! We can all learn to embrace who we are, how we show up and how we can safely & authentically thrive! Take back your personal power!

Let's be REAL!  We all need to get tools, techniques & develop skills to truly sit with any trait so that it fully serves us. There is nothing worse than being self conscious or insecure in business. Even the most talented business person can be bogged down by self doubt. When you embrace who you are... those things fade to the background, allowing you to shine and be successful.

More tomorrow....

Kimberly Reyes
Pathfinder, Lifestyle Curator, Super Connector,Master Networker, Author & Speaker

Kimberly Reyes Lifestyle by Design

Helping you design a life connected to your true North