Blog GPS: I had the proposal that fairy tales are made of...

So much talk all summer long about weddings... I wonder how we get our girls to focus on the marriage and not the wedding... The proposal is now a YouTube event and makes the national news... It's romantic, and I don't think anyone notices and appreciates acts of kindness, large and small, more than I do. BUT..I still don't hear a lot of people talking about the realities of building a strong relationship, and focusing on finding the right partner... Even the mother's seem to be blinded by the bling...and the glitter...

I had the proposal that fairy tales are made of...

Before I share my story, I will preface this by telling you that my favorite things at the time were San Francisco, New York City, The Phantom of the Opera, Art, Theatre, Monet, Travel, Pearls, Dressing Up... ok. I guess I haven't changed much in 20 years...

My boyfriend asked me to go away with friends on a ski weekend in Colorado. It was January and an early birthday present. I didn't ski; hadn't been in years. I didn't own any ski or snow clothes...So, off I I went shopping: shopping done and ready for the snow.

We were to spend a couple days in San Francisco with a friend. I loved San Francisco and was living in Sacramento. We decided to fly to Colorado from SF so that I could spend some time in my favorite city... Our time in SF was lovely. I completely enjoyed it and was all warm and happy when we headed to the airport for our ski trip to Colorado. We left our car with our friend and took a cab to the airport....

Once at the airport we got out and decided to do curb check-in. While standing there, a woman from the airline was going up and down the baggage line and talking to customers. She said, "anyone on the flight to New York City please come to the front of the line. You need to check in immediately." My boyfriend did not look up. He grabbed my hand, told me to follow him, and said to not ask any questions. We both checked-in successfully. He never looked at me and both proceeded in silence... All I could think was... I just bought all of these ski clothes and we weren't going to Colorado???

We boarded the plane, found our seats without even a sideways glance and still sat in silence... Not a word or glance until we were in the air. Once the pilot took off the seat belt sign, he got up and took a box out of his carry on bag... He handed me a wrapped package and looked at me lovingly. I opened it and was astonished. There were tickets to all of my favorite things: Phantom of the Opera on Broadway with prime seats, A full set of Phantom CD's and a CD player, Tickets to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with special admission to a traveling Monet exhibit, a picture of our room at the Ritz Carlton, and various other brochures of things that might interest me... He told me he wanted to make this trip special for me and make my dreams come true.

So, I sat giddy on the plane and listened to my music in bliss... The flight attendants asked us what was going on and gushed over my boyfriend...

Once we landed, he had hired a car to take us to the Ritz Carlton on Central Park. We entered the lovely hotel and were treated with care. As we made our way up to our room he was a bit nervous... He didn't travel well... But, I opened the door to walk into the most amazing, enormous bouquet of my favorite flowers: white long stemmed roses, red tulips and purple irises. The most gorgeous flowers and largest bouquet that I have ever seen. Sitting to the side was an overflowing welcome basket and goodies to share. He had obviously called ahead and made arrangements for my every wish to be attended to... Plush robes were in the bathroom being warmed... He told me, "Honey, it's been a long trip. Why don't you go take a hot shower and wrap in your robe and we will relax a little." I agreed and wandered off to take a shower. It was scrumptious and lovely. I lingered and took my time in there...

As I opened the door from the bathroom to our bedroom, I looked up and saw the most beautiful gown laying across the bed... matching shoes on the floor and jewelry to match... I was in shock... He told me to go ahead and get ready, that we were going out. I dried my hair did my makeup and went to put on my dress... He slid into the shower while I was dressing... As I tried on my gifts... Everything fit like a glove. The dress was Jessica McClintock: long black toole, with a black sweetheart bodice embroidered with white silk ribbon accents... thin spaghetti straps. It was sweet and lovely... Not sexy and a seductress... Sweet... Perfect.  I slid the kitten heel pumps on and they fit perfectly; added my pearl accents and I was in heaven. Completely me...My style... My taste... Me. He walked out of the bathroom in his dinner dress blue uniform. He was an officer in the Navy. Handsome and dapper...

I was having a great time and couldn't resist the urge.. I jumped up on the bed in my long fluffy toole gown and jumped up and down on the bed like a five year old, giggling and laughing... until I couldn't anymore...

We went downstairs for dinner... It was a very upscale restaurant, candles were everywhere and crystal accents sparkled as we wandered farther in ... the host pulled out the table and we slid gently into the booth... People were staring.. We definitely stood out in New York City... I didn't care. I knew at that point that he was going to propose... He was so nervous, I just wanted him to do it so we could have fun... We finished our lovely dinner and caught a cab to the Empire State Building... As we arrived, there was a sign that said that it was closed because the workers were on strike. I was gracious and didn't acknowledge his foiled plan. He told the driver to take us to Central Park... We got out; it was near our hotel. We headed to the park and the horse drawn carriage just outside the park. It was late and dark and I could feel his tension building... He looked at me and asked if I minded if we just headed back to the hotel... I said of course... and we did. As we entered the grand entrance and into the sophisticated lobby, he dropped to his knee and recited the most romantic, poetic proposal. He slid the diamond on my finger that he had chosen just for me. We went to our room and enjoyed champagne, our goodies and the beautiful suite.



The next day and the days that followed were full of all of my favorite things. Art, theatre, great restaurants, music and exploring a fabulous city... It was all about me... He doted on me and made me feel like the most special woman on the planet... Whisked me back to the airport and back home: engaged. 

It was lovely and a gift. I don't want to sound ungrateful... I just wish there was more about the relationship and not just the party...

He worked hard to get me... Not to keep me... It all changed once I said, "I do." No one ever counseled me, warned me or even had me consider to look beneath the surface. I was too young and immature to know better myself. Everyone was wowed by the spectacle. It all changed once I was married. I wish more people made a bigger deal about the marriage, relationship and compatibility of our connection... Thinking back, anyone that knew he and I, would have known that we weren't a good fit... He and I fit just as in sync as when my mother told me that I should be an accountant...

Now I know not to be dazzled by bracelets and cruises... I appreciate them; but I'm not blinded by them. The whole package is key... Not just the presents.

My wish is that some of these girls that are so focused on the party and the experience have a warm comforting voice to guide them along the way... You can have the magic in the engagement, in the wedding and in the marriage... I am positive of that... It just takes the right connection. 

It was a lovely gift and one more thing that I thank my ex-husband for... He made me feel like a princess that week. I appreciate and am grateful for that experience...  

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog GPS: Designing the Love I Want

Before I left my marriage of fourteen years, I fully analysed and contemplated what I wanted my life and relationships to look like. I made a list of everything that I wanted in a man and what I wanted my life together with that man to look like. I compared that list to my husband, and what I found out was that the two men were not the same person. However, I am not a quitter and I made a commitment. I never want to set anyone up to fail. I basically gave him five years notice, that I wasn't happy and laid out what I needed in the relationship to be happy.

I needed an emotionally intimate relationship: Period.... I would not settle for less. He agreed to go to counseling, but in the end could not grasp what emotional intimacy meant. I knew that he loved me. I knew that he was faithful. I was grateful for those factors... But, I needed something more fulfilling. It was excruciatingly hard. I left my marriage.

Once I left my husband, the next four months turned out to be the nightmare that can't be imagined - much less explained. It has been said that you should never have more than any one major life changing event every six years... Mine all happened in less than six months: I got divorced, lost my home, got fired from my job, moved cities and lost both grandparents within months of each other... Not to mention the friends and family that I lost when I left my husband AND the majorly pissed off teenager that I had living with me....

So... the journey begins... that was almost four years ago... It has been four years of dating and trying to hold true to the expectations about finding that emotionally intimate relationship that I so longed for during my marriage; not settling for less, just to keep from being lonely. There is no other pain like true loneliness and I understand why people give into it. Sitting in that space is physically painful. I was also keeping up the Journey and working on myself along the way. What makes me tick and what was keeping me from the connection that I wanted???

 Which brings me to the present...

Today I am sitting staring at the unconditional love that I have been seeking. I set out to find the love that I wanted and I refused to settle for less...

The person that I am dating is the second person that I dated after my separation from my husband. Bob and I have dated off and on... mostly off.. for the last 3 1/2 years. We have stayed in contact as friends. Tried several times to get back together, but it just wasn't quite what I  wanted or needed.  I refused to settle for less.

I never told Bob exactly what I wanted or needed. I didn't want anyone to fabricate something just to catch me. There is no way to keep that up. It has to be natural.

You need to understand Bob to get a clear picture. He is a strong, successful business man. He has always treated me like a lady. He made me feel special. I always knew that he cared deeply for me. He has a huge heart. The man has raised two amazing children alone from the ages of 10 and 12. He has been a leader in his community and church. He is there for his friends and family: reliable and caring, an amazing and documented mentor. The problem is that he never showed me his soft side: always protector and strong advocate... never vulnerable or deeply intimate. Masculine to his core. I was attracted to the over all package, but I knew I needed more.

It takes a strong man to stand beside me. It would take an even stronger man to show me his underbelly... That takes incredible courage. Those who know me know that I can lead or follow... I cannot be told what to do... or follow all of the time. I prefer a partnership... That too was hard for such a strong leader. The strength that he was attracted to, was also an issue for us. I refused to change me...

In April, Bob asked to meet for dinner and I did. He asked me to get back together and I told him that we weren't together for very specific reasons. I gently laid out the reasons and although I cared about him, that was not the life that I wanted. As I watched him, I saw the light go on. He got it. He totally got it. It was a complete shift in energy and appearance. I knew that he got it. He apologized immensely for not getting it before now and after a bit more time we hugged and parted.


Two weeks later Bob asked to see me. Reluctantly I agreed...

The gift that has been handed to me...

Bob showed up with his heart in his hands. He not only showed up completely vulnerable... he stood in what must have been the most uncomfortable position, offering his heart to me, because I was not in the space to just let him in. He stood in that space completely exposed and did not retreat. He told me that he loved me from day one and wanted to be with me. "You have always been the one that got away", he said.  He was completely in and wanted to be with me. He swallowed his pride and just waited for me to meet him
half way. He has gifted me on a daily basis with complete unconditional love. The depth of his love and commitment is amazing to see and feel. He has exposed his soft underbelly in a big way. It takes the strongest of men to stand in that space for a woman. He is the only man that has ever offered that to me. He trusted and continues to trust me with his heart, secrets and deepest desires. He does not want to change me. He loves me just as I am...

Many have inquired about who I am dating. I wanted to wait for a bit to share. I don't know what the future holds... I will share more of my thoughts and experiences along my Journey...

I held true to self and am proud of that. I had certain expectations. I am proud of that. I don't expect perfection, but I know what I need to feed my heart and soul. I am proud of that. I do believe that we set the tone for our long term relationships by accepting certain behaviors in the beginning. I also believe that once those are cemented and reinforced that it is almost impossible to change. I never wanted to change anyone. I just wanted the relationship that showed up to be right as it was. Everything takes work. I don't mean it like that... Some things are just deal breakers. A certain level of emotional intimacy was my deal breaker.

Bob came back and handed me one of the biggest gifts of my life... true emotional intimacy.




Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

I have decided to add an additional page to my blog for those of you that may want to catch up on my journey. Relationship and self have been the biggest facets by far. Earlier posts were requested and I wasn't sure how to add them to my blog without confusion and mixing up my rhythm. I am converting those posts and will have them up this weekend at the latest... in a separate tab on my blog site.

Blog GPS: Designing My Most Important Relationship

Getting back to me... Thinking about which relationship post to start my new blog with, I decided to start with the most important relationship in my life: Me. I am getting back to me. This journey has rarely been a straight path to my end goal. I am always moving forward... but, sometimes I stay on one path longer than I should or veer in a direction that is just a distraction that takes me away from my true calling. Lessons learned, all along the way regardless of where I find myself. I can always find a positive and a lesson to take away from my experiences; even the painful ones.

When there is transition or a shift in energy I sit in silence and look within. The depth of my introspection even surprises me sometimes. As someone that lives so much in the moment... meditation and looking within are intentional. I have to change my hat to live in that space. It has become more natural and second nature over time... it is not instinctual.

Over the last four years you have followed my path to being vulnerable and authentic. There has been four years of pain, loneliness, joy, fun, fulfillment and despair. Boy it was painful to identify that I was feeling despair... You have followed along with my online dating, going out and about, socializing... Finding love and losing it... Sitting in silence and intentional alone time. A sabbatical from dating... Engaging again. Loving and appreciating my friends... Dealing with family issues. Finding me. Figuring out my path and staying on my journey.

My goal continues to be finding a deep intimate loving relationship, deepening my meaningful friendships, following my passions (all of them) and sharing my gifts with others. I am committed to focusing on joy and keeping it in my life.  I refuse to settle for less.

I am ready to have another 

setting intentions and  manifestation party. 

They are so powerful... not to mention a really good time. 

Today know that I am reassessing me.  I am making sure that I am headed in the right direction. I am in a relationship and will share all about how I got there. I decided to do a little back fill since this is a new blog and get people a little caught up with my life-path over the last four years. There will be a few posts stacked so that people can read them or not. You may just skip to now. Options are beautiful.

So, today's post really crosses over to many of my lifestyle paths: Journey Within, Connect Now and Relationship GPS because I am all a part of this journey and it all starts with my relationship with myself.

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease