Blog Connect: Mastering Life by Design

Little did I know what would happen when I embarked on this journey. I have been involved in Mastermind groups that really didn't amount to much, except connecting with a few fabulous women to drink wine. We would hash around business issues and searched out solutions from our counterparts... Paid or free groups ---- the same results... Not much productivity or solutions produced...

Not this time...

I met my team like I meet many people... Spotted Joie from across the room and said, "Hey, we need to have a glass of wine together!" ... Pat was assisting me with some business advice, which led to an invitation to connect... and the rest was history. 

Jumped right into the middle of the pool!

Here is what is so Unique about Our 

Mastermind Team and the difference 

that it has made in my life...

We are all SO different from each other: our personalities, the way we process, the way we communicate, how we interpret information and express ourselves, the way we move through life... it is all different. The commonality is our desire to succeed, our ethics, missions, driving force and common goals, our deep commitment to moving women forward and our loyalty and support for each other... 

We started meeting once a month. It moved to twice a month. Then it was twice a month in person and twice a month by google chat. Now it is a daily interaction in two private facebook pages where we pass our ideas and needs to each other throughout the day. 

Just like any other relationship, it has taken work and understanding. You can't have three people that are so different, work together as closely as we do, without conscious work and consessions.

When we first started working together, we would go to a restaurant and take turns going around the table and addressing whatever it was that we needed to talk about. I was all over the place... like normal - never really able to focus on what I wanted or the direction that I needed to go. I had so many interests and ideas... 

Here's Where it all Changed & Started for Me...

One day we sat down and they both looked at me and told me that that session was all about me... And let me tell you that was some tough love. They were honest and a bit harsh at times... but, it was carried out and given with my best interest in mind. I knew that and I kept my ego in tact and I accepted their guidance and help. We sat and they hashed out my dreams, my goals, my desires, what I liked about the things that I was doing and what I didn't. They broke it down and before we left, I had a vision, a good idea of my brand and a direction to head. All me. All unique to me. All suited to me. Me. 

These two women are so smart and so talented.. that I would joke that they kept inviting me back because I was the funny one... Why do we do that to ourselves? I made light of myself to ease the tension. I am super smart! Was it to take away from the fact that I couldn't make a decision and focus on my journey...??? What they have shown me is that isn't my strength.  It doesn't need to be. That isn't my gift. So, they helped with what I wasn't strong at... allowing me to soar and be productive with my talents. 

That's the thing. We have been working so closely, that we know each other well enough, to help the others be fully who we are meant to be. They support me wholly and it is amazing and empowering. They know that some of their strengths are my most challenging weaknesses  They see a gap and they fill it in. They don't watch me struggle or say anything about it. They say, "I'm coming over, set aside two hours" or email me x,y,z and I'll take a look at it. They have gifted me with the absolute present. They see me and allow me to function in my best space, so that I can be the most productive person possible. They have given me permission to take care of myself, to work balance into our working relationship and when it get's super stressful... they know that I need to go for a walk or visit the beach or just be... I am not a task master. I'll do it. But, I don't live there well... I am not my best in that situation. They know that and acknowledged it even when I didn't want to admit it... because that was exposing a weakness. 

They are kind to me. 

They communicate with me the best way that suites my personality. They don't necessarily speak to each other that way. But, they are not me. I watch them hashing issues out with each other in a very intense way... and as they turn to me, I watch the energy shift. They know me and I know them. We are considerate of that. When they are persnickety .. I don't take it personally (usually). I know that they are dealing in a different way than I do. 

It's all out there. I have been stripped and completely vulnerable  As I confessed my deepest fears and weaknesses .. I was slightly amused to see that they were not surprised .. they already knew. We always think that we have everything covered and that people don't know... When they really do. If they are paying attention, they already know.

Don't get me wrong... Sometimes I feel a little battered....

At times it has felt like therapy... But, what an amazing bond that we have developed because we have refused to let the other fall. No matter what the hurdle, we have stood in that space and supported each other through the discomfort so that we could understand one another and assure the success of the team. Once we understood the differences we could embrace and love the whole person; which only made the resolve to see the others success, that more profound, deep and committed. 

To move to such deep professional support, we had to address personalities and communication. We could have walked away and found something more comfortable... But, we would have ended up drinking wine with some non-productive group again. I don't put that effort in for anyone unless I truly want to make the effort to keep someone in my life.

We have respect and admiration. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We love each other as people and have become as close as sisters. The magic that has happened in our lives personally and professionally is almost explainable. 

So, it started out to be a traditional Mastermind Group. What has happened is that it has turned out to be so much more... We are Mastering our Lives: Our businesses, Our relationships,  Our journey's... None of it is singular. It can't be.

I have always been told that I am the strongest woman that people have ever met. It has been a breathe of fresh air, with a sigh of relief to be book-ended with women of such strength and character. My counterparts. So different, yet so alike...

absolutely equal with complimentary strengths and weaknesses.

I have waited a lifetime for those relationships.  

Three Powerful, Independent, Successful Women Supporting each other fully in Life, Relationships and Business. 

It doesn't have to be one or the other... We can have it all! It's a beautiful thing and an amazing experience. It is my wish for all women to have a similar opportunity and beautiful Journey.

Joie Gharrity and Patricia Haddock 

you have truly been a gift in my life.

Thank you my friends,

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 

Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Journey: Not All Rainbows & Lollipops

I am sitting in an interesting place with the blogging and writing that I have done over the last several years...

I get lots of letters and messages from people that follow my journey. People connect with me in different ways. Not long ago, someone connected and was honest with her interactions and questions. She expressed that sometimes it was painful to read my posts and blogs. That I always seem to have it all together and everything goes my way... That I was inspirational and she loved to read it... but that she was in such a dark place, in so much pain personally, that it was physically painful to read about my journey sometimes.  She wanted to know if I ever had any struggles or if my life was always so good...

Physically painful to hear my story as I tell it today... I had to sit with that...

I sent her a recording of a radio interview that I did about my life and how I shifted my paradigms... It is very honest and it shares some personal and dark times that I have been through. That answered that. If you want a link to the interview fill out the request on the right hand side of this page and in the notes write that you would like a copy of the radio interview and I will send it to you.

 Life is not all Rainbows and Lollipops for sure...

My friends tell me that I should be more vulnerable and talk about things when it isn't good and share those times too.... This is tricky. I have shared deeply and authentically about relationship stuff and my journey with dating and love. My path to finding the love I want, creating the relationships that I want and my shortfalls and struggles with that. It's all authentic.

I haven't really shared family stuff for many reasons. Those relationships involve other people. Those are not my stories to share. I talk about myself and my journey. I do not talk about anyone else's journey. I never talk about my relationship with my daughter. She is fiercely private and an introvert. I would never do that to her. It has been a difficult struggle and the pain has been tremendous. It's not something I can write about in this format.

Who wants to read a whiny complainy blog?
Not me... and it wouldn't make me feel good to write it.

It's been a very difficult journey. One way that I made it through that space was to learn how to shift my paradigms. I talk a lot about the space around me: the hostess of my space, my happy space, etc. I have worked very hard to keep the space around me chaos free and happy. When things shift away from that, which they do... I know how to shift back to calm, focused and happy pretty quickly. Part of that for me is focusing on the positive. That comes out in my writing. It's not that I ignore the bad or unpleasant. It is that I choose to find and focus on the good. I can find something good about anything. I know that drives some people nuts... but, it is a survival technique and it has served me well. I am human and I visit those other places. It can be quite dark. I just choose not to live there.

I have lived a hundred lives; experienced more than any one person should experience in a lifetime. I would not change any of it (well, except that I still long to have a family, that hasn't changed). It has made me who I am today. It is one of the reasons that I can connect with so many different women. I am them. I have walked their path and understand their pain. I don't hurt from it anymore. But, I can have empathy because I have a deep understanding of their pain.

Looking back it is like viewing someone else's story; although it is mine. 

So much healing and growth has moved me into a new space.

Life started when I turned 40. That is why I drive everyone crazy with celebrating my birthday ALL month long. I love getting older and I love celebrating those milestones.

My past journey needs to serve a future purpose. So many of us had dreams and goals when we were young. Life happens: kids, work, marriage, healing from your childhood. At some point around 35-40 we wake up and realize that time has gotten away from us and we need to find our way back to ourselves. I was personally surviving, not thriving or living. I woke up at 35 and completely shifted my life by my 40th birthday. I see a similar path for many women and I am passionate about being the best that I can be, and helping other women find their way back to themselves too.

My journey continues to be trying to figure it all out and make life the absolute best it can be. I figured out what I wanted and I am working toward making it all happen. I do not think that there is anything that I can't do and I am making that a reality. I do the difficult work so that I can benefit from the great rewards.

I am part of a book that will be out in November: a mini-memoir and I am planning on publishing my full memoir in 2014. Both of my parents were over the top abusive, the aftermath and recovery from that led to many difficulties throughout my life. I have not spoken to either parent in 18 years. The hardest and best decision of my life. At some point you need to be able to create boundaries to protect yourself and accept people as they are OR you need to cut off ties with them. I decided to save myself and have a healthy life. I chose and continue to choose Me. I have received so much judgement about that decision over the years. I have been alienated by family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers who just don't understand. Children don't just cut their parents off for no reason. ALL of their children have had to do this. Just because we lived in a big house and had nice things doesn't mean anything.

You never know what goes on behind closed doors.... Never...       

 My Memoir is titled,  It's Not Always the Children

So... No... My life is not perfect. I have had a very long difficult road to get to where I sit today. Life still happens and I just choose to focus on the positive to keep myself balanced and moving forward.

I have and continue to Design the Life that I want... I am happy with the person that I have become and strive to continue to move through this space with grace and ease... 

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: Individuality by Design

The banter is swirling and conversation is good.

My perspective has always been to choose what fits and is uniquely me. That is my hope for you too.

I think of what I offer in the same way... I don't want anyone to be like me or anyone else. I try to help people find their personal style and voice. No matter what service I offer it is customized to each person.

In my 20+ year design career, I am not known for having a signature style. I am known for connecting with my clients and helping them find the style that is uniquely theirs. None of my designs look the same and I have designed in every style and decor.

Working with groups and individuals for 20+ years, I have the same reputation. I listen and connect to find out someone's core and help deliver what is unique to them: whether that is a path to dating, a destination and grand plan for a personal journey, or a blueprint for successful social or professional networking. We all have different needs and journeys to take. It is paying attention closely enough to see what that is and how to help you get there...

 Many coaches have created a one size fits all systems. Not everyone fits that system. Just because it worked for one does not mean that it will work for many. Introverts and extroverts are the perfect example. The same system is not going to work for both without modifications...

When you are looking for someone to work with you...

 Find someone that sees you. Understands You. Knows how to walk the walk with you. 

Look for the connection and someone that you can build rapport with. Not to be told what to do, but to lead you on a journey to your final destination.

I very often connect people that I know with right fit coaches. It's not one size fits all. Take the time to find the person that is right for you. My hope is that You can all be supported fully in your uniqueness and individuality. Because once you discover that... You have amazing gifts to give yourself and to others as well.

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

NETWORKING TIP #4 of 100

NETWORKING TIP #3 of 100

Networking Tip #2 of 100

Networking Tip #1 of 100

Blog Journey: Mediation Not for You? Baby Steps....

Sometimes the busier we get the harder it is to slow down and connect with self. Your mind is going a million miles and hour and your body following close behind. I think the people that tell me that they can't meditate are caught in this feed.

That used to be me...

You literally have to stop and intentionally be still to learn to go inside. It's hard to work on self with all of the chaos of life swirling around. I am in that point right now. I have spent a lot of time meditating, contemplating and assessing in the last year..... I can personally get into a very deep meditative state. But, it's harder when I'm busy.

I set intentions and manifested so much that it is like a steam roller going forward and I plan to keep up with it.  ( I know that I have said that already, but it's true)

It's easy to get caught up in life and forget to disconnect sometimes. That's my goal. To continue to take time for me and remove myself far enough to quiet the noise. My outlet that get's me there the easiest is the beach. Sometimes my sofa :-) Depends on the day. But, since I do a lot of work from home, leaving that space is usually the smartest.


Be kind and cut yourself some slack... It's not easy to start.. It's easier once you start....

There are lots of tricks to get your mind moving toward silence or at least corralling the chaos and funneling the energy.

• Writing is a great way to immerse yourself into something. Many people get so involved in what they are writing it relieves the mind. Journaling is personal and no one has to read it. You can write and write and write whatever you want and no one will see it: a release. Turn it into a blog... and it becomes public. 
• Breathing Exercises - So many resources online to find the right fit for you. Try Into The Vortex, by Jerry Hicks.
• Gentle Yoga - I won't lie. Yoga is hard. The first time I went, I jokingly said that the calm, peaceful looking pictures that you see when people refer to yoga, was false advertising... BUT, there are lots of different forms and like everything else, it's just starting. There are gentle yoga classes that are stretching and breathing and can be very meditative. Those are not difficult. You just need to know what you are signing up for. Ask for information and assistance when you start.
• Meditative walking is sooo relaxing. I like to listen to music and walk in someplace that I connect with nature. Women particularly connect will when their bare feet can touch the earth: grass, sand, etc. It is thought to bring you closer to your feminine energy and self. 
• Meditative Audio can be found all over. My favorite is Heart Meditations Radio by Deepak Chopra on Pandora. I like to listen to this before I go to bed or on a walk. It has some guided meditations, gentle sounds and music.
• Group Activities can be found in every community. My friend introduced me to Pranic Healing last year. That was a wonderful experience for me.  Centre for Pranic Healing in San Jose welcomes you to meditate, to heal and to be healed.
• Meditating is the end goal. You don't have to get there. However, once you do it's hard to give it up. There are short sessions to retreats that offer 30 days of silence and mediation. 

What ever activity that you choose for yourself. I hope that you gift yourself with the time to quiet the mind & Soul. It is so necessary for me to manage the stress and chaos. Self LOVE is vital to our health and well being. Baby Steps... 

What works for you?

Where is the best place to disconnect?

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: Neighborly Love by Design

Do you remember the welcome wagon? Is that still around in some communities? I'm showing my age... The things that go through my mind... I remember when I was young taking flowers to the neighbors, cookies or homemade goods. I remember going out of my way to connect and make new people feel comfortable. Where has that gone? I so often seem to be the new person and everyone else around me is already established. I have moved almost 30 times in the last 25 years... I always reached out and rarely experience that in return...

I introduced myself to the neighbors on both sides of me when I moved into this house... That was an odd experience. One doesn't really speak English and smiles at me now and then... The other is just nuts... there is no other way to put it. It's best that he doesn't talk to me...

After living in this house for two years, I was walking through the grocery store and a woman came swiftly across the store to introduce herself. She told me that I was her neighbor, that she lived across street, and started to describe her house... Yes. She does live across the street: almost directly and I have never met her.... barely even seen her. She told me how she was raised in that home, moved back to care for her aging parents, they passed away and she and her husband decided to stay... Then in the last year her husband passed and that she had just been dealing with moving forward with life and apologized for not meeting me sooner... She was sweet and lovely and promised to invite me for a glass of wine in near future. We are all on a journey; just in different stages...

A couple months go by and I am just swamped... Probably running from the driveway into the house. I saw her sweeping her entry a couple of times and knew that I needed to reach out. I made a point to catch her at home and invite her to music in the park. She already had plans... Yet, I found out more about her. She is a teacher and has a forth grade class that starts next week... She was preparing and was getting ready to connect with a work friend about a project... More info in my data bank... I made another note of how long to let time go by before I invite her over for a glass of wine.

We all get so caught up in our lives... the ways that we used to connect with family and community has changed so much over time... Now there is tv, the internet and texting. Little to no personal connection. I was caught up in work, relationships and myself and she was struggling with some pretty serious life events. The days should come back when you can go to a neighbor and have a cup of coffee and just get comfort and support.

She is kind and lovely. I know that there is a possible connection and friendship that can develop: whatever that may be. How many times have I locked myself out of the house or had a minor issue that I could have really used the support of someone that lived near by? Many... Don't we all need that? Don't we all want to be able to just reach and have people there?  I am determined to pursue that and make it a reality. She reached out her hand and I will create that bridge to make it happen. We all need deeper, genuine, authentic connections and I don't want to let the opportunity to foster that pass me by....

Who has moved through your space and you missed connecting with them? Teacher, neighbor, someone at the gym??? I am making a conscious effort not to miss opportunities to connect and authentically be present. That is my journey....


Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog GPS: I had the proposal that fairy tales are made of...

So much talk all summer long about weddings... I wonder how we get our girls to focus on the marriage and not the wedding... The proposal is now a YouTube event and makes the national news... It's romantic, and I don't think anyone notices and appreciates acts of kindness, large and small, more than I do. BUT..I still don't hear a lot of people talking about the realities of building a strong relationship, and focusing on finding the right partner... Even the mother's seem to be blinded by the bling...and the glitter...

I had the proposal that fairy tales are made of...

Before I share my story, I will preface this by telling you that my favorite things at the time were San Francisco, New York City, The Phantom of the Opera, Art, Theatre, Monet, Travel, Pearls, Dressing Up... ok. I guess I haven't changed much in 20 years...

My boyfriend asked me to go away with friends on a ski weekend in Colorado. It was January and an early birthday present. I didn't ski; hadn't been in years. I didn't own any ski or snow clothes...So, off I I went shopping: shopping done and ready for the snow.

We were to spend a couple days in San Francisco with a friend. I loved San Francisco and was living in Sacramento. We decided to fly to Colorado from SF so that I could spend some time in my favorite city... Our time in SF was lovely. I completely enjoyed it and was all warm and happy when we headed to the airport for our ski trip to Colorado. We left our car with our friend and took a cab to the airport....

Once at the airport we got out and decided to do curb check-in. While standing there, a woman from the airline was going up and down the baggage line and talking to customers. She said, "anyone on the flight to New York City please come to the front of the line. You need to check in immediately." My boyfriend did not look up. He grabbed my hand, told me to follow him, and said to not ask any questions. We both checked-in successfully. He never looked at me and both proceeded in silence... All I could think was... I just bought all of these ski clothes and we weren't going to Colorado???

We boarded the plane, found our seats without even a sideways glance and still sat in silence... Not a word or glance until we were in the air. Once the pilot took off the seat belt sign, he got up and took a box out of his carry on bag... He handed me a wrapped package and looked at me lovingly. I opened it and was astonished. There were tickets to all of my favorite things: Phantom of the Opera on Broadway with prime seats, A full set of Phantom CD's and a CD player, Tickets to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with special admission to a traveling Monet exhibit, a picture of our room at the Ritz Carlton, and various other brochures of things that might interest me... He told me he wanted to make this trip special for me and make my dreams come true.

So, I sat giddy on the plane and listened to my music in bliss... The flight attendants asked us what was going on and gushed over my boyfriend...

Once we landed, he had hired a car to take us to the Ritz Carlton on Central Park. We entered the lovely hotel and were treated with care. As we made our way up to our room he was a bit nervous... He didn't travel well... But, I opened the door to walk into the most amazing, enormous bouquet of my favorite flowers: white long stemmed roses, red tulips and purple irises. The most gorgeous flowers and largest bouquet that I have ever seen. Sitting to the side was an overflowing welcome basket and goodies to share. He had obviously called ahead and made arrangements for my every wish to be attended to... Plush robes were in the bathroom being warmed... He told me, "Honey, it's been a long trip. Why don't you go take a hot shower and wrap in your robe and we will relax a little." I agreed and wandered off to take a shower. It was scrumptious and lovely. I lingered and took my time in there...

As I opened the door from the bathroom to our bedroom, I looked up and saw the most beautiful gown laying across the bed... matching shoes on the floor and jewelry to match... I was in shock... He told me to go ahead and get ready, that we were going out. I dried my hair did my makeup and went to put on my dress... He slid into the shower while I was dressing... As I tried on my gifts... Everything fit like a glove. The dress was Jessica McClintock: long black toole, with a black sweetheart bodice embroidered with white silk ribbon accents... thin spaghetti straps. It was sweet and lovely... Not sexy and a seductress... Sweet... Perfect.  I slid the kitten heel pumps on and they fit perfectly; added my pearl accents and I was in heaven. Completely me...My style... My taste... Me. He walked out of the bathroom in his dinner dress blue uniform. He was an officer in the Navy. Handsome and dapper...

I was having a great time and couldn't resist the urge.. I jumped up on the bed in my long fluffy toole gown and jumped up and down on the bed like a five year old, giggling and laughing... until I couldn't anymore...

We went downstairs for dinner... It was a very upscale restaurant, candles were everywhere and crystal accents sparkled as we wandered farther in ... the host pulled out the table and we slid gently into the booth... People were staring.. We definitely stood out in New York City... I didn't care. I knew at that point that he was going to propose... He was so nervous, I just wanted him to do it so we could have fun... We finished our lovely dinner and caught a cab to the Empire State Building... As we arrived, there was a sign that said that it was closed because the workers were on strike. I was gracious and didn't acknowledge his foiled plan. He told the driver to take us to Central Park... We got out; it was near our hotel. We headed to the park and the horse drawn carriage just outside the park. It was late and dark and I could feel his tension building... He looked at me and asked if I minded if we just headed back to the hotel... I said of course... and we did. As we entered the grand entrance and into the sophisticated lobby, he dropped to his knee and recited the most romantic, poetic proposal. He slid the diamond on my finger that he had chosen just for me. We went to our room and enjoyed champagne, our goodies and the beautiful suite.



The next day and the days that followed were full of all of my favorite things. Art, theatre, great restaurants, music and exploring a fabulous city... It was all about me... He doted on me and made me feel like the most special woman on the planet... Whisked me back to the airport and back home: engaged. 

It was lovely and a gift. I don't want to sound ungrateful... I just wish there was more about the relationship and not just the party...

He worked hard to get me... Not to keep me... It all changed once I said, "I do." No one ever counseled me, warned me or even had me consider to look beneath the surface. I was too young and immature to know better myself. Everyone was wowed by the spectacle. It all changed once I was married. I wish more people made a bigger deal about the marriage, relationship and compatibility of our connection... Thinking back, anyone that knew he and I, would have known that we weren't a good fit... He and I fit just as in sync as when my mother told me that I should be an accountant...

Now I know not to be dazzled by bracelets and cruises... I appreciate them; but I'm not blinded by them. The whole package is key... Not just the presents.

My wish is that some of these girls that are so focused on the party and the experience have a warm comforting voice to guide them along the way... You can have the magic in the engagement, in the wedding and in the marriage... I am positive of that... It just takes the right connection. 

It was a lovely gift and one more thing that I thank my ex-husband for... He made me feel like a princess that week. I appreciate and am grateful for that experience...  

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog GPS: Designing the Love I Want

Before I left my marriage of fourteen years, I fully analysed and contemplated what I wanted my life and relationships to look like. I made a list of everything that I wanted in a man and what I wanted my life together with that man to look like. I compared that list to my husband, and what I found out was that the two men were not the same person. However, I am not a quitter and I made a commitment. I never want to set anyone up to fail. I basically gave him five years notice, that I wasn't happy and laid out what I needed in the relationship to be happy.

I needed an emotionally intimate relationship: Period.... I would not settle for less. He agreed to go to counseling, but in the end could not grasp what emotional intimacy meant. I knew that he loved me. I knew that he was faithful. I was grateful for those factors... But, I needed something more fulfilling. It was excruciatingly hard. I left my marriage.

Once I left my husband, the next four months turned out to be the nightmare that can't be imagined - much less explained. It has been said that you should never have more than any one major life changing event every six years... Mine all happened in less than six months: I got divorced, lost my home, got fired from my job, moved cities and lost both grandparents within months of each other... Not to mention the friends and family that I lost when I left my husband AND the majorly pissed off teenager that I had living with me....

So... the journey begins... that was almost four years ago... It has been four years of dating and trying to hold true to the expectations about finding that emotionally intimate relationship that I so longed for during my marriage; not settling for less, just to keep from being lonely. There is no other pain like true loneliness and I understand why people give into it. Sitting in that space is physically painful. I was also keeping up the Journey and working on myself along the way. What makes me tick and what was keeping me from the connection that I wanted???

 Which brings me to the present...

Today I am sitting staring at the unconditional love that I have been seeking. I set out to find the love that I wanted and I refused to settle for less...

The person that I am dating is the second person that I dated after my separation from my husband. Bob and I have dated off and on... mostly off.. for the last 3 1/2 years. We have stayed in contact as friends. Tried several times to get back together, but it just wasn't quite what I  wanted or needed.  I refused to settle for less.

I never told Bob exactly what I wanted or needed. I didn't want anyone to fabricate something just to catch me. There is no way to keep that up. It has to be natural.

You need to understand Bob to get a clear picture. He is a strong, successful business man. He has always treated me like a lady. He made me feel special. I always knew that he cared deeply for me. He has a huge heart. The man has raised two amazing children alone from the ages of 10 and 12. He has been a leader in his community and church. He is there for his friends and family: reliable and caring, an amazing and documented mentor. The problem is that he never showed me his soft side: always protector and strong advocate... never vulnerable or deeply intimate. Masculine to his core. I was attracted to the over all package, but I knew I needed more.

It takes a strong man to stand beside me. It would take an even stronger man to show me his underbelly... That takes incredible courage. Those who know me know that I can lead or follow... I cannot be told what to do... or follow all of the time. I prefer a partnership... That too was hard for such a strong leader. The strength that he was attracted to, was also an issue for us. I refused to change me...

In April, Bob asked to meet for dinner and I did. He asked me to get back together and I told him that we weren't together for very specific reasons. I gently laid out the reasons and although I cared about him, that was not the life that I wanted. As I watched him, I saw the light go on. He got it. He totally got it. It was a complete shift in energy and appearance. I knew that he got it. He apologized immensely for not getting it before now and after a bit more time we hugged and parted.


Two weeks later Bob asked to see me. Reluctantly I agreed...

The gift that has been handed to me...

Bob showed up with his heart in his hands. He not only showed up completely vulnerable... he stood in what must have been the most uncomfortable position, offering his heart to me, because I was not in the space to just let him in. He stood in that space completely exposed and did not retreat. He told me that he loved me from day one and wanted to be with me. "You have always been the one that got away", he said.  He was completely in and wanted to be with me. He swallowed his pride and just waited for me to meet him
half way. He has gifted me on a daily basis with complete unconditional love. The depth of his love and commitment is amazing to see and feel. He has exposed his soft underbelly in a big way. It takes the strongest of men to stand in that space for a woman. He is the only man that has ever offered that to me. He trusted and continues to trust me with his heart, secrets and deepest desires. He does not want to change me. He loves me just as I am...

Many have inquired about who I am dating. I wanted to wait for a bit to share. I don't know what the future holds... I will share more of my thoughts and experiences along my Journey...

I held true to self and am proud of that. I had certain expectations. I am proud of that. I don't expect perfection, but I know what I need to feed my heart and soul. I am proud of that. I do believe that we set the tone for our long term relationships by accepting certain behaviors in the beginning. I also believe that once those are cemented and reinforced that it is almost impossible to change. I never wanted to change anyone. I just wanted the relationship that showed up to be right as it was. Everything takes work. I don't mean it like that... Some things are just deal breakers. A certain level of emotional intimacy was my deal breaker.

Bob came back and handed me one of the biggest gifts of my life... true emotional intimacy.




Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

I have decided to add an additional page to my blog for those of you that may want to catch up on my journey. Relationship and self have been the biggest facets by far. Earlier posts were requested and I wasn't sure how to add them to my blog without confusion and mixing up my rhythm. I am converting those posts and will have them up this weekend at the latest... in a separate tab on my blog site.

Blog Design: 5 Design Tips Designers Don't Tell You

As a Designer, Hostess and Connection Specialist, 
I want you to move into and through a space feeling comfortable and welcome. I want you to feel like you get a warm hug when you enter and sit in your space without knowing the mechanics behind it: the how and why. It should just be. There are so many tips and techniques that go into making that a reality.

All examples of what to do and not to do are based on the above photo

I am going to give you a few tips that I share with my client's during consultations. 

I often work with DIY'ers... These tips will help you get a finished look that your friends will think you paid a designer to create. 

1. We never see our own environment like an outsiders does. We cannot view our personal space objectively. It is familiar and we become desensitized. I recommend taking a before photo... doing the work we think necessary... and then taking a picture again. The above is an after photo. If this was your space, would you think it was finished? Photos don't lie.
2. When you walk into a space your eye should be able to move all the way around the room without landing on any one area. Nothing should stick out so much that it catches your attention. Each area should stand alone. That is what makes you feel comfortable. Design or decorate your space. Do the scanning technique... and then add the focal point or splash of color. In contrast to the first room, the photograph to the right has a very cohesive background and then splashes of color were added. That is why it works and feels welcoming. The second room has a Similar Style/loft concept as the first space... But, this one works well.... If you were to walk into this room, your eye would flow all the way around the space and gently land on the chairs. That is how a focal point should function. 
3. There is an art to combining textures, materials and patterns.
   
    It's good to know the rules before you break them... When there is a prominent architectural element in a space you need to decide if you want to accentuate or disguise it. It is not possible to ignore the feature. Both of the first two rooms have brick as a major architectural feature. The brick was handled differently in each design. It was ignored instead of embraced in the first room. There is an easy fix to make this space feel good. Always think of your floor as a fifth wall. If you want to keep the brick as is... Embrace the depth and warmth and bring that element into the space. The absolutely easiest fix would be to add a warm heavily textured area rug similar to the one pictured on the right, instead of the patterned one that was used. That would automatically make the room more comforting, instead of making the wall feel overwhelming.  In the second picture they used a painting technique to tone down the brick. They didn't hide it... they made it flow. You can add layer, after layer, after layer in a more monochromatic environment. They chose to use the texture as part of the background instead of as a focal point. Notice how the wood element from the front door is pulled into the chairs... It brings the material across the space and creates a flowing, transitional focal point.. Below is another example of how a heavily textured rug in a similar tone/depth as the brick wall grounds the space and makes it work. Can you visualize what the room would like like below without the rug? Probably similar to the first room pictured.
   
   
   
   
   
4. Pay close attention to the base structure of all of your pieces of furniture: legs, solid to the floor, airy or open. The first space has too many legs that are the same shape and height. It creates a busy, chaotic feel. This could be solved by replacing the table with a more solid design. Here are some alternatives that would work. It all depends on the taste of the client.

1. 
   
   
   These three styles would work and add an additional element: mixed materials and texture..
   
   
   
   
    These styles work because they 
   have a more solid appearance and have a horizontal line
   that mimics the lines on the bookshelves against the wall.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

   
   
   5. Decorating is not everyone's cup of tea. Some people love to get into design. It's a hobby and they thrive in that role. Don't beat yourself up if you can't visualize it. It's kind of like the frustration of when you are on vacation and you get horribly lost and that experience takes some of the joy out of the trip. Not everyone is built the same. I am super visual and can see a space complete when I walk into a room. In the same vein... I never get lost. That is the way that I am built. So, many of my clients are engineers and think more linear. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up. It takes away some of the joy and warm feeling that you should have in your space. It's okay to ask for help or hire someone to do it for you. Let someone else take the stress out of making your home/business perfect, so that you can just fully enjoy it without having any frustrated emotions or negative feelings attached to the space/experience. It makes a difference. It's okay... don' be so hard on yourself.

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
   Designing a life with grace and ease