Blog Journey: Not All Rainbows & Lollipops

I am sitting in an interesting place with the blogging and writing that I have done over the last several years...

I get lots of letters and messages from people that follow my journey. People connect with me in different ways. Not long ago, someone connected and was honest with her interactions and questions. She expressed that sometimes it was painful to read my posts and blogs. That I always seem to have it all together and everything goes my way... That I was inspirational and she loved to read it... but that she was in such a dark place, in so much pain personally, that it was physically painful to read about my journey sometimes.  She wanted to know if I ever had any struggles or if my life was always so good...

Physically painful to hear my story as I tell it today... I had to sit with that...

I sent her a recording of a radio interview that I did about my life and how I shifted my paradigms... It is very honest and it shares some personal and dark times that I have been through. That answered that. If you want a link to the interview fill out the request on the right hand side of this page and in the notes write that you would like a copy of the radio interview and I will send it to you.

 Life is not all Rainbows and Lollipops for sure...

My friends tell me that I should be more vulnerable and talk about things when it isn't good and share those times too.... This is tricky. I have shared deeply and authentically about relationship stuff and my journey with dating and love. My path to finding the love I want, creating the relationships that I want and my shortfalls and struggles with that. It's all authentic.

I haven't really shared family stuff for many reasons. Those relationships involve other people. Those are not my stories to share. I talk about myself and my journey. I do not talk about anyone else's journey. I never talk about my relationship with my daughter. She is fiercely private and an introvert. I would never do that to her. It has been a difficult struggle and the pain has been tremendous. It's not something I can write about in this format.

Who wants to read a whiny complainy blog?
Not me... and it wouldn't make me feel good to write it.

It's been a very difficult journey. One way that I made it through that space was to learn how to shift my paradigms. I talk a lot about the space around me: the hostess of my space, my happy space, etc. I have worked very hard to keep the space around me chaos free and happy. When things shift away from that, which they do... I know how to shift back to calm, focused and happy pretty quickly. Part of that for me is focusing on the positive. That comes out in my writing. It's not that I ignore the bad or unpleasant. It is that I choose to find and focus on the good. I can find something good about anything. I know that drives some people nuts... but, it is a survival technique and it has served me well. I am human and I visit those other places. It can be quite dark. I just choose not to live there.

I have lived a hundred lives; experienced more than any one person should experience in a lifetime. I would not change any of it (well, except that I still long to have a family, that hasn't changed). It has made me who I am today. It is one of the reasons that I can connect with so many different women. I am them. I have walked their path and understand their pain. I don't hurt from it anymore. But, I can have empathy because I have a deep understanding of their pain.

Looking back it is like viewing someone else's story; although it is mine. 

So much healing and growth has moved me into a new space.

Life started when I turned 40. That is why I drive everyone crazy with celebrating my birthday ALL month long. I love getting older and I love celebrating those milestones.

My past journey needs to serve a future purpose. So many of us had dreams and goals when we were young. Life happens: kids, work, marriage, healing from your childhood. At some point around 35-40 we wake up and realize that time has gotten away from us and we need to find our way back to ourselves. I was personally surviving, not thriving or living. I woke up at 35 and completely shifted my life by my 40th birthday. I see a similar path for many women and I am passionate about being the best that I can be, and helping other women find their way back to themselves too.

My journey continues to be trying to figure it all out and make life the absolute best it can be. I figured out what I wanted and I am working toward making it all happen. I do not think that there is anything that I can't do and I am making that a reality. I do the difficult work so that I can benefit from the great rewards.

I am part of a book that will be out in November: a mini-memoir and I am planning on publishing my full memoir in 2014. Both of my parents were over the top abusive, the aftermath and recovery from that led to many difficulties throughout my life. I have not spoken to either parent in 18 years. The hardest and best decision of my life. At some point you need to be able to create boundaries to protect yourself and accept people as they are OR you need to cut off ties with them. I decided to save myself and have a healthy life. I chose and continue to choose Me. I have received so much judgement about that decision over the years. I have been alienated by family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers who just don't understand. Children don't just cut their parents off for no reason. ALL of their children have had to do this. Just because we lived in a big house and had nice things doesn't mean anything.

You never know what goes on behind closed doors.... Never...       

 My Memoir is titled,  It's Not Always the Children

So... No... My life is not perfect. I have had a very long difficult road to get to where I sit today. Life still happens and I just choose to focus on the positive to keep myself balanced and moving forward.

I have and continue to Design the Life that I want... I am happy with the person that I have become and strive to continue to move through this space with grace and ease... 

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Journey: Mediation Not for You? Baby Steps....

Sometimes the busier we get the harder it is to slow down and connect with self. Your mind is going a million miles and hour and your body following close behind. I think the people that tell me that they can't meditate are caught in this feed.

That used to be me...

You literally have to stop and intentionally be still to learn to go inside. It's hard to work on self with all of the chaos of life swirling around. I am in that point right now. I have spent a lot of time meditating, contemplating and assessing in the last year..... I can personally get into a very deep meditative state. But, it's harder when I'm busy.

I set intentions and manifested so much that it is like a steam roller going forward and I plan to keep up with it.  ( I know that I have said that already, but it's true)

It's easy to get caught up in life and forget to disconnect sometimes. That's my goal. To continue to take time for me and remove myself far enough to quiet the noise. My outlet that get's me there the easiest is the beach. Sometimes my sofa :-) Depends on the day. But, since I do a lot of work from home, leaving that space is usually the smartest.


Be kind and cut yourself some slack... It's not easy to start.. It's easier once you start....

There are lots of tricks to get your mind moving toward silence or at least corralling the chaos and funneling the energy.

• Writing is a great way to immerse yourself into something. Many people get so involved in what they are writing it relieves the mind. Journaling is personal and no one has to read it. You can write and write and write whatever you want and no one will see it: a release. Turn it into a blog... and it becomes public. 
• Breathing Exercises - So many resources online to find the right fit for you. Try Into The Vortex, by Jerry Hicks.
• Gentle Yoga - I won't lie. Yoga is hard. The first time I went, I jokingly said that the calm, peaceful looking pictures that you see when people refer to yoga, was false advertising... BUT, there are lots of different forms and like everything else, it's just starting. There are gentle yoga classes that are stretching and breathing and can be very meditative. Those are not difficult. You just need to know what you are signing up for. Ask for information and assistance when you start.
• Meditative walking is sooo relaxing. I like to listen to music and walk in someplace that I connect with nature. Women particularly connect will when their bare feet can touch the earth: grass, sand, etc. It is thought to bring you closer to your feminine energy and self. 
• Meditative Audio can be found all over. My favorite is Heart Meditations Radio by Deepak Chopra on Pandora. I like to listen to this before I go to bed or on a walk. It has some guided meditations, gentle sounds and music.
• Group Activities can be found in every community. My friend introduced me to Pranic Healing last year. That was a wonderful experience for me.  Centre for Pranic Healing in San Jose welcomes you to meditate, to heal and to be healed.
• Meditating is the end goal. You don't have to get there. However, once you do it's hard to give it up. There are short sessions to retreats that offer 30 days of silence and mediation. 

What ever activity that you choose for yourself. I hope that you gift yourself with the time to quiet the mind & Soul. It is so necessary for me to manage the stress and chaos. Self LOVE is vital to our health and well being. Baby Steps... 

What works for you?

Where is the best place to disconnect?

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Journey: Invitation to Join My Journey

I invite you to join me on my journey. Part of that journey is finding out what makes our hearts sing and bring joy into our lives. This is an essential part of the community that I have designed. It's all about the experience: events that are one step above - Spontaneous Connections. We will wander out into the world together to try new activities and thoroughly enjoy tried and true ones side by side. However, I will always infuse what I love and make it special for everyone involved. Life should be special. It should be celebrated; always a special event. We should value each other and particularly learn about loving ourselves...

There is a dramatic difference between self-love, self-confidence and valuing self. That will be part of my journey. I am strong in some of those areas and working on others. We can assist each other with support and encouragement in all arenas, as long as we are open and vulnerable in a safe environment.

The core essence of these blogs is to lead by example. When I committed to this vision and journey about ten years ago I vowed to be open, honest and vulnerable. The first five years were all about deep work on self and adjusting my personal space and environment to match my vision and to shift my personal paradigms so that I could embark on my journey. The last five to six years have been a slow journey to a more public forum. The last two have been completely public.

Public vulnerability has never been easy. I am still struggling with vulnerability in private as well. That is a big mountain to climb. I am determined though... I am steadily standing in that space and will share my fears and struggles along the way. I don't wave my deepest fears and emotions like a flag for everyone to see for my own pleasure. It started when people, specifically women would tell me that I was so strong and they never thought that I had problems, issues or struggles... That is the farthest from the truth. I am showing where I am from, where I have been and the journey/future that I have designed for myself. I show what's inside and am learning to ask for help and admit my weaknesses. That is a strength all in itself. My hope is that women will see that we all have internal struggles and be able to share as well. No matter who you think has it all together, please know that there is always more happening than you know. Many times it is the people that you think are the strongest that are struggling the most. Just because we smile on the outside, it doesn't mean that we are happy all of the time.

The truth is that I know that I am on a path of success: success in love, business and life. I also know that I could not have embarked on this journey of accomplishment without learning to ask for help, showing my flaws to the world and accepting the love and kindness of others. Thank you for allowing me to follow this path in such a public format. It has been a gift to me and I hope that you will join me and allow the gifts to be given back to you...




Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Journey: Shift Into Yourself with Gratitude

Shifting my childhood Paradigm took lots of Tools.

Gratitude is a Powerful tool to help you Shift any Paradigm.

One of the Main ways that I learned to Transition into 

Happiness was to Focus on the

Positive and Consciously Practice Gratitude.

Many self-help books out there talk about how to be grateful and it seems to fall a bit short to me. Most tell you to get a journal and note a few things daily that you are grateful for like family, a raise, the kindness of a stranger. It may be a good place to start, but to truly live in gratitude means so much more. I am still working on it; all part of the journey within.

What practicing gratitude means to me...

• When I get good service I am the first to call a manager and compliment the service provider. I go out of my way and take the time to show my gratitude in stores and restaurants. I didn't realize that this wasn't the norm. People are always quick to complain... but, how often do you praise the service that you get? I have worked retail and in the service industry. It is hard work and the pay is low for high output. I appreciate good service!
• I look for the positive in people and situations. Some call me Polyanna. Not so. We can decide how we want to live and what we choose to acknowledge. This is all part of gratitude. When you look for the positive, you are looking for what you are grateful for even in the face of something that is not pleasant. That doesn't diminish the negative... it just doesn't keep you trapped in the dismal. It allows you an escape and is a survival tool.
• There are times that my body gets a noticeable reaction to a stimulus: the feel of the sun on my skin, the feeling in my heart when I see a child smile, the wave of emotion that I feel when I experience good art, the feel when a song sparks something in me... It is in those times that I stop and acknowledge those emotions and intentionally pay attention in the moment. I am grateful is my mantra. There is a psychological connection between having a feeling and repeating an affirmation in your head that cements the experience.
• Ahhh.... there is nothing like the kindness of strangers. A smile on the street can make my day. Someone that takes the time to open a door for me gets a smile and eye contact that conveys my appreciation.
• I give what I get. That is part of how I move through my space. I offer the things to others that I am grateful for in my life. My journey always seems to go full circle. Think to yourself... What does that look like in your life. Some call it Karma.
• The most life changing thing that I shifted to 30 years ago is when a positive thought pops into my head about someone... when it's appropriate and it almost always is... I share my thought with them. This can be uncomfortable for people. It's sad that people are not used to compliments. I too find it difficult to stand in that space sometimes. I am never insincere. I always mean what I say. But, if I think you have beautiful eyes... I will tell you. If I admire an act or something that you have done... I will tell you. I express my gratitude to individuals in the moment. I believe it is a gift that we can give to each other. Truthfully, this does catch people off guard sometimes. Classes on building rapport teach people how to give a sincere compliment. Can you imagine if everyone just functioned that way naturally? I appreciate people. I am grateful for the kindness of others and share my appreciation daily.

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live them.” - John F. Kennedy

These are just some of the daily exercises that I started slowly implementing into my life years ago and they are just second nature now. They have made a huge difference in my life. I hope that you find what works for you and brings you joy daily.

Next weeks post will discuss the things that truly bring you joy...

 Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Journey: Dear Mercury Retrograde.. I Am Sending Myself Flowers Today

Dear Mercury Retrograde,

I am sending myself flowers today. I am acknowledging what I am grateful for, sending myself some kindness, love and nurturing Me.

I am only going to consider this latest flurry of incidents as a hiccup in my road to life. I am pushing forward with the strength of good friends and inner determination to be a success.

Hurdles are in place and I am gliding over them as steadily as possible.

Water in hand in this race and I will not stop. I will press forward. I will succeed in love, life and business.

I could list the chaos that has ensued during this phase of Mercury Retrograde. But, I will not give it a voice or importance. It ends in eight days... But, who's counting?

One definite lesson that I have learned on this Journey Within is to listen to my body, my internal voice, and intuition. We often go through life and instinctively know what others need and how to take care of everyone else. Whether it is as a caretaker, parent, lover or friend; I find that I am keenly aware of other people's needs and desires. It took years and countless hours of sitting still and paying attention in the moment, to not only hear, but to listen to my internal environment. I have leaned to recognize what I need to take care of myself. That wasn't easy to do and it is in times like these, that I continue to be tested.

I am often asked why I focus so much on the positive. I admit that life is not all rainbows and lollipops; hello Mercury retrograde. But, I honestly believe that you can take this Journey Within and Design the Lifestyle that you want. Some promote using your anger and negativity to move further in life. I live what I promote and have for the last 30 years. Anyone can shift their paradigms. You can live the life that you want. You can change your thoughts and emotions. If you focus on something hard enough, it can become reality. I focus on success, happiness and fulfillment. So far it's worked out pretty well for me.

When was the last time you sent yourself flowers? Today may need to be the day to start...

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Design: Living Your Passion by Design

 

It still absolutely amazes me After all these years that I still get so much joy from being an interior designer. There is nothing like having a great client and fun project! It doesn't matter what's going on before the appointment and how I'm feeling when I walk in. When I walk out of the presentation and it's a great design I am elated! It all just feels right… Pure joy.... I'm so grateful that I get to do this every day.

I still think about the day when I was 12, went to mother excited and joyful and expressed my desire to be an interior designer when I grew up... She looked at me with a look of pity and told me that I would never be able to make a living as an interior designer and that I needed to find a less competitive industry... "What about accounting"? she asked me.

I remember how my heart sank as I turned and walked away. I tucked that desire away as I practiced design as a hobby... but, never thought that I could make a living at it. It wasn't until I had two bachelor degrees in different fields that I realized that my "hobby" was far more fun than anything else I was working toward. Did I really want to finish graduate school and endure more statistical analysis... or did I want to play with paint, fabric and be creative all day. It's not really a hard choice when you think of it that way.

It was at that point that I decided to officially be a designer. I have always had clients. I had always made money and worked from referrals while putting myself through school... to do something else. I was doing design for pay before I even graduated from high school. I just never looked at it as a career. I always considered it a hobby.

I am a slow learner... But, it only adds to the joy and gratitude that I feel everyday when I practice what is really deep in my soul. My career is part of who I am. It is intertwined in my personality, thoughts and unconscious interpretations.  

I wish everyone the gift of finding their passion and embarking on that journey. You can create the life you want. You can have your Lifestyle by Design.

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 

Designing a life with grace and ease