Blog Connect: Mastering Life by Design

Little did I know what would happen when I embarked on this journey. I have been involved in Mastermind groups that really didn't amount to much, except connecting with a few fabulous women to drink wine. We would hash around business issues and searched out solutions from our counterparts... Paid or free groups ---- the same results... Not much productivity or solutions produced...

Not this time...

I met my team like I meet many people... Spotted Joie from across the room and said, "Hey, we need to have a glass of wine together!" ... Pat was assisting me with some business advice, which led to an invitation to connect... and the rest was history. 

Jumped right into the middle of the pool!

Here is what is so Unique about Our 

Mastermind Team and the difference 

that it has made in my life...

We are all SO different from each other: our personalities, the way we process, the way we communicate, how we interpret information and express ourselves, the way we move through life... it is all different. The commonality is our desire to succeed, our ethics, missions, driving force and common goals, our deep commitment to moving women forward and our loyalty and support for each other... 

We started meeting once a month. It moved to twice a month. Then it was twice a month in person and twice a month by google chat. Now it is a daily interaction in two private facebook pages where we pass our ideas and needs to each other throughout the day. 

Just like any other relationship, it has taken work and understanding. You can't have three people that are so different, work together as closely as we do, without conscious work and consessions.

When we first started working together, we would go to a restaurant and take turns going around the table and addressing whatever it was that we needed to talk about. I was all over the place... like normal - never really able to focus on what I wanted or the direction that I needed to go. I had so many interests and ideas... 

Here's Where it all Changed & Started for Me...

One day we sat down and they both looked at me and told me that that session was all about me... And let me tell you that was some tough love. They were honest and a bit harsh at times... but, it was carried out and given with my best interest in mind. I knew that and I kept my ego in tact and I accepted their guidance and help. We sat and they hashed out my dreams, my goals, my desires, what I liked about the things that I was doing and what I didn't. They broke it down and before we left, I had a vision, a good idea of my brand and a direction to head. All me. All unique to me. All suited to me. Me. 

These two women are so smart and so talented.. that I would joke that they kept inviting me back because I was the funny one... Why do we do that to ourselves? I made light of myself to ease the tension. I am super smart! Was it to take away from the fact that I couldn't make a decision and focus on my journey...??? What they have shown me is that isn't my strength.  It doesn't need to be. That isn't my gift. So, they helped with what I wasn't strong at... allowing me to soar and be productive with my talents. 

That's the thing. We have been working so closely, that we know each other well enough, to help the others be fully who we are meant to be. They support me wholly and it is amazing and empowering. They know that some of their strengths are my most challenging weaknesses  They see a gap and they fill it in. They don't watch me struggle or say anything about it. They say, "I'm coming over, set aside two hours" or email me x,y,z and I'll take a look at it. They have gifted me with the absolute present. They see me and allow me to function in my best space, so that I can be the most productive person possible. They have given me permission to take care of myself, to work balance into our working relationship and when it get's super stressful... they know that I need to go for a walk or visit the beach or just be... I am not a task master. I'll do it. But, I don't live there well... I am not my best in that situation. They know that and acknowledged it even when I didn't want to admit it... because that was exposing a weakness. 

They are kind to me. 

They communicate with me the best way that suites my personality. They don't necessarily speak to each other that way. But, they are not me. I watch them hashing issues out with each other in a very intense way... and as they turn to me, I watch the energy shift. They know me and I know them. We are considerate of that. When they are persnickety .. I don't take it personally (usually). I know that they are dealing in a different way than I do. 

It's all out there. I have been stripped and completely vulnerable  As I confessed my deepest fears and weaknesses .. I was slightly amused to see that they were not surprised .. they already knew. We always think that we have everything covered and that people don't know... When they really do. If they are paying attention, they already know.

Don't get me wrong... Sometimes I feel a little battered....

At times it has felt like therapy... But, what an amazing bond that we have developed because we have refused to let the other fall. No matter what the hurdle, we have stood in that space and supported each other through the discomfort so that we could understand one another and assure the success of the team. Once we understood the differences we could embrace and love the whole person; which only made the resolve to see the others success, that more profound, deep and committed. 

To move to such deep professional support, we had to address personalities and communication. We could have walked away and found something more comfortable... But, we would have ended up drinking wine with some non-productive group again. I don't put that effort in for anyone unless I truly want to make the effort to keep someone in my life.

We have respect and admiration. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We love each other as people and have become as close as sisters. The magic that has happened in our lives personally and professionally is almost explainable. 

So, it started out to be a traditional Mastermind Group. What has happened is that it has turned out to be so much more... We are Mastering our Lives: Our businesses, Our relationships,  Our journey's... None of it is singular. It can't be.

I have always been told that I am the strongest woman that people have ever met. It has been a breathe of fresh air, with a sigh of relief to be book-ended with women of such strength and character. My counterparts. So different, yet so alike...

absolutely equal with complimentary strengths and weaknesses.

I have waited a lifetime for those relationships.  

Three Powerful, Independent, Successful Women Supporting each other fully in Life, Relationships and Business. 

It doesn't have to be one or the other... We can have it all! It's a beautiful thing and an amazing experience. It is my wish for all women to have a similar opportunity and beautiful Journey.

Joie Gharrity and Patricia Haddock 

you have truly been a gift in my life.

Thank you my friends,

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 

Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: Individuality by Design

The banter is swirling and conversation is good.

My perspective has always been to choose what fits and is uniquely me. That is my hope for you too.

I think of what I offer in the same way... I don't want anyone to be like me or anyone else. I try to help people find their personal style and voice. No matter what service I offer it is customized to each person.

In my 20+ year design career, I am not known for having a signature style. I am known for connecting with my clients and helping them find the style that is uniquely theirs. None of my designs look the same and I have designed in every style and decor.

Working with groups and individuals for 20+ years, I have the same reputation. I listen and connect to find out someone's core and help deliver what is unique to them: whether that is a path to dating, a destination and grand plan for a personal journey, or a blueprint for successful social or professional networking. We all have different needs and journeys to take. It is paying attention closely enough to see what that is and how to help you get there...

 Many coaches have created a one size fits all systems. Not everyone fits that system. Just because it worked for one does not mean that it will work for many. Introverts and extroverts are the perfect example. The same system is not going to work for both without modifications...

When you are looking for someone to work with you...

 Find someone that sees you. Understands You. Knows how to walk the walk with you. 

Look for the connection and someone that you can build rapport with. Not to be told what to do, but to lead you on a journey to your final destination.

I very often connect people that I know with right fit coaches. It's not one size fits all. Take the time to find the person that is right for you. My hope is that You can all be supported fully in your uniqueness and individuality. Because once you discover that... You have amazing gifts to give yourself and to others as well.

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: Neighborly Love by Design

Do you remember the welcome wagon? Is that still around in some communities? I'm showing my age... The things that go through my mind... I remember when I was young taking flowers to the neighbors, cookies or homemade goods. I remember going out of my way to connect and make new people feel comfortable. Where has that gone? I so often seem to be the new person and everyone else around me is already established. I have moved almost 30 times in the last 25 years... I always reached out and rarely experience that in return...

I introduced myself to the neighbors on both sides of me when I moved into this house... That was an odd experience. One doesn't really speak English and smiles at me now and then... The other is just nuts... there is no other way to put it. It's best that he doesn't talk to me...

After living in this house for two years, I was walking through the grocery store and a woman came swiftly across the store to introduce herself. She told me that I was her neighbor, that she lived across street, and started to describe her house... Yes. She does live across the street: almost directly and I have never met her.... barely even seen her. She told me how she was raised in that home, moved back to care for her aging parents, they passed away and she and her husband decided to stay... Then in the last year her husband passed and that she had just been dealing with moving forward with life and apologized for not meeting me sooner... She was sweet and lovely and promised to invite me for a glass of wine in near future. We are all on a journey; just in different stages...

A couple months go by and I am just swamped... Probably running from the driveway into the house. I saw her sweeping her entry a couple of times and knew that I needed to reach out. I made a point to catch her at home and invite her to music in the park. She already had plans... Yet, I found out more about her. She is a teacher and has a forth grade class that starts next week... She was preparing and was getting ready to connect with a work friend about a project... More info in my data bank... I made another note of how long to let time go by before I invite her over for a glass of wine.

We all get so caught up in our lives... the ways that we used to connect with family and community has changed so much over time... Now there is tv, the internet and texting. Little to no personal connection. I was caught up in work, relationships and myself and she was struggling with some pretty serious life events. The days should come back when you can go to a neighbor and have a cup of coffee and just get comfort and support.

She is kind and lovely. I know that there is a possible connection and friendship that can develop: whatever that may be. How many times have I locked myself out of the house or had a minor issue that I could have really used the support of someone that lived near by? Many... Don't we all need that? Don't we all want to be able to just reach and have people there?  I am determined to pursue that and make it a reality. She reached out her hand and I will create that bridge to make it happen. We all need deeper, genuine, authentic connections and I don't want to let the opportunity to foster that pass me by....

Who has moved through your space and you missed connecting with them? Teacher, neighbor, someone at the gym??? I am making a conscious effort not to miss opportunities to connect and authentically be present. That is my journey....


Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: Incorporate Touch Into Your Lifestyle

There is nothing like the touch of another living being. Human touch is 

essential for our mental and emotional health.

We all need touch. 

I am such a huger. I swear that I try to consider people's personal space and I realize that not everyone is comfortable being hugged. I wonder though... does that mean that they don't like it or that it isn't good for them... Hmmmm... I am not sure about this one. Just because something is uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that we don't like it?

 I was going to so many social and networking events that I was just hugging everyone. I didn't realize this until I was giving a pretty important presentation to a client. She was a very proper, traditional, grandmotherly Indian woman. Obviously professional and staid. I made this fabulous presentation. I knew that it was a hit and that she loved it. As we got up to part, instead of shaking her hand like a professional would do... I hugged her. I let go, smiled and turned to leave. As I did, I was rolling my eyes at myself, banging my forehead with my hand in my minds eye, and flogging myself for what I had just done.... It was at that point that I realized I had been hugging a lot of people and that I needed to reign it in a bit... There is obviously a time and place for everything. I laugh at myself more often than not... However, I did get that project and she definitely has a fondness for me; no more hugging though.

I wasn't raised to be a huger. I know the exact moment in my life when I realized the importance of touch. My ex-husband was a submariner in the Navy. He would go away for six months at a time and would often be gone even when he was not out to sea. So, I spent a great deal of time alone during our marriage. I have always been very social, but the connections were different. We moved a lot and I did not have the opportunity to create deep bonds at that time. I lived my life differently then too. The responsibility for the quality of those relationships was mine alone. It's a part of the journey.

Every time my husband was away I would do my thing. I would design something or change something in our home. I was always remodeling and updating. It became a big joke between the two of us. He said that he didn't mind if I changed things... that he just wanted to recognize his home when he returned. 

During one of his deployments, I was remodeling one of our bathrooms. Yes, I did all of the labor myself too. I had already demolished everything, laid the new tile, painted, put in the sink, vanity and lighting... All that was left was to install the new porcelain toilet. Porcelain is Very sharp. Toilets are cumbersome. I knew this. I was tilting the heavy toilet to get it into place and my hand slipped. I dropped the toilet and it broke; leaving a pretty nasty gash in my hand. I bandaged myself up and left the project for a few days.

Once it was healed a little, I took a trip to Home Depot to pick up a toilet. I was in the plumbing department and a worker came up to me. He asked if I needed help and I told him that I was looking for a toilet. He asked if I knew how to set a toilet and I started in on my story and turned my hand over to show him my wound. He looked at me wide eyed and grabbed by hand. At the moment he touched me, I realized that I had not been touched by another human being for months. I stood there astounded at the physical reaction that I had, just by the mere touch of another person. It wasn't sexual. I wasn't attracted to him. It was a warm, all over feeling that was comforting and strangely enough, confirming my existence. Honestly he was lecturing me about the danger of porcelain and how severely injured I could have been... but, all I know was the impact that he had and the feeling that I had when he touched me. 

That is the moment in time when I became a huger. I realized the impact that being touched, after not having physical human contact for a long period time had on me and I started to recognize it in others too. Hugging is more welcoming and open. A true embrace is a vulnerable place; an invitation into your personal space. It has become my nature. I have been a huger ever since.

My friends tell me about not dating for a while and the void regarding intimacy. Not sex. Connection and Connecting. When you hug a friend - linger. Make the hug last just a little longer. It makes a difference. People that operate cash registers talk about how people avoid touching them when they collect money... think twice. What about people with disabilities or maybe someone that just isn't as "pretty" as everyone else? Do people make eye contact or touch them? It's all part of the human experience and you can make a monumental difference in someone else's life... and it will not cost you a penny.

I know that I am more tactile that most. There are different levels of touch and connection. Learning to respect someone's boundaries is important. You have to be comfortable giving, for the receiver to feel comfortable. When it's authentic, it is well received, even by people that are not naturally hugers. Just like everything else. It takes practice. Part of building rapport and learning to make connections with other people socially, and as an extension in business is important. Consider developing this skill. It can be helpful in many areas of life. It's not just a gift to you. It could be a gift to others too.

Here is a link to a lovely story that was

featured on my favorite television show, 

CBS Sunday Morning. 

It's about a man that was a Real Estate Investor by trade. But, he has spent his spare time for the last 25 years cutting the hair of homeless people. It's not just a haircut. 

He massages them, touches them and treats them like a valued human being. It's all about the touch. 

I encourage you to read it and think about the people that you see throughout the day. 

Human touch is a beautiful thing... Hug someone today

I would LOVE to hear your stories too!

That is all part of the journey.

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: The Kindness of a Stranger

When I was 21 years old I was in an incredibly difficult place in my life. I was a single mother of a baby that was less than a year old. My parents had quit talking to me because I had decided to have a child out of wedlock and had refused to marry my high school "sweetheart". Pregnancy was not a reason to marry an abusive boy. I valued myself and wanted more for my baby. Those choices were mine and my parents did not approve. So, I was alone. Young friends were judgmental and not supportive. I was broke. VERY broke. I lived in a teeny tiny place attached to the back of a garage. I drove an old Volvo that I was lucky to have. Juggling bills was an understatement and truth be told. I had no one to call if things went awry. I literally had no one to call. Not to cry to. Not to complain to... and definitely not to ask for any kind of help. You get the picture. 

One day I was driving down the road in West Sacramento when I heard a noise and my car started jiggling. An odd kind of shudder and then my car pulled to the right. It was almost like my car was deciding to stop and park itself right there on the side of the road. I just was aghast. I got out and looked at the car and I had a flat tire. I remember standing there in shock. Thinking who can I call and the tears ran down my face... no one. I didn't have a phone anyway.

Only a few dollars in my wallet and not much more in my bank account. I just stood there looking at my car. I opened the trunk; which was full. Even if I did dig all of that junk out of there, I didn't know how to change a tire. I was sure that the spare lived under all of that stuff... I knew that I could figure it out. I can figure anything out I told myself. I always do.

I looked around for help and people looked right past me. I wasn't the cute young girl anymore that could get attention from my looks. I just had a baby and had gained over 100 pounds. That reality of the shift in energy and how people looked at me was monumental. I was invisible like I had never experienced before. Feeling a bit defeated, I got back in my car and just sat there for what seamed like an eternity. In reality it was probably only a few minutes. I was numb: in shock... overwhelmed. One more thing. Always an obstacle to overcome. Little did I know what strength life would take and how many times I would have to find just one more surge of energy to get up and go and make things happen...

I was in my own little world when I looked up and out of the drivers window. There stood a homeless man. My first thought was that I should be wary, but I wasn't. He motioned to me and told me quietly to open my trunk. I got out of my car and opened the trunk. I stood to the side and we said nothing to each other. He carefully took all of my things out of the trunk and set them on the curb. He took out the tire, jack and went to the side of my car. That man changed my tire... never making eye contact... never saying a word. I stood there in a fog. I did nothing. I said nothing.

He finished changing my tire, put all of my things carefully and neatly back in my trunk and shut it gently. I went inside my car to get the last few dollars that I had and went to hand it to him. He looked me squarely in the eyes and with complete kindness, told me to keep it... that I needed it more than he did. He gave me a slight smile, told me that it wasn't a full sized tire and  I needed to get it replaced as soon as possible to be safe. He turned and walked away. Once I snapped out of my fog, I spent the next couple of weeks checking daily to properly thank him. I never saw him again. I looked and never saw him again.




Some call it Karma... Other's believe in absolute coincidence. I believe that I am surrounded by angels. Spirits that are sent to me to teach me lessons and guide me through my journey. It is up to us whether we pay attention, ignore them or fight it tooth and nail.

I felt complete love, warmth and gratitude deep in my heart from my brief experience with that man. The kind look in his eyes alone touched my soul.


My life has been touched by many people and when I look back... the kindness of strangers have been some of the most important interactions and learning moments in my journey. I think about this a lot and when I am working with people I often emphasize that you never really know the impact that you make on someone else's life. When you connect with another human being, even in a moment, it can make a lasting impression. We add value to each other's lives just by the way we move through our space: it can be negative or it can be positive... Sometimes it can be life changing. You just never know. What kind of connections are you making as you move through life?

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease 

Blog Connect: The Ultimate Connection by Design

Okay... Kimberlism... This is my life.

Recently I was headed down to the S. Bay on 19th Ave. in San Francisco. The main artery from the freeway to the Golden Gate Bridge... Rush hour traffic. Packed with cars and people were driving crazy... Well, not sure how... but, I rear ended the woman in front of me. (that's the bad part)

We stopped right there in the road. There was no way to pull off the road. We get out of our cars and she looks at me. Looks at our cars and looks at me again... and then REALLY looks at me. She said, "you know this has happened to me before and it really fucking sucked.... This is your lucky day. I am not worried about my car and you just really need a hug"... She hugged me and I looked back at her and told her that Karma was a beautiful thing... She said that she just knew that I needed a hug and she gave me another one.... She looked at me with her kind eyes and spoke with a very caring voice. There were the two of us on this main road with what I am positive were not so happy commuters, that didn't care about our moment of consciousness and kindness... But, we stood there and hugged like there wasn't another soul around. Two crazy connected women right there in the middle of 19th Ave. She wished me a good day and a happy life... and I did the same to her.  

This is my life. There are so many moments likethese and I am so grateful and appreciate every one of them... This is my life....

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease