Blog Journey: Not All Rainbows & Lollipops

I am sitting in an interesting place with the blogging and writing that I have done over the last several years...

I get lots of letters and messages from people that follow my journey. People connect with me in different ways. Not long ago, someone connected and was honest with her interactions and questions. She expressed that sometimes it was painful to read my posts and blogs. That I always seem to have it all together and everything goes my way... That I was inspirational and she loved to read it... but that she was in such a dark place, in so much pain personally, that it was physically painful to read about my journey sometimes.  She wanted to know if I ever had any struggles or if my life was always so good...

Physically painful to hear my story as I tell it today... I had to sit with that...

I sent her a recording of a radio interview that I did about my life and how I shifted my paradigms... It is very honest and it shares some personal and dark times that I have been through. That answered that. If you want a link to the interview fill out the request on the right hand side of this page and in the notes write that you would like a copy of the radio interview and I will send it to you.

 Life is not all Rainbows and Lollipops for sure...

My friends tell me that I should be more vulnerable and talk about things when it isn't good and share those times too.... This is tricky. I have shared deeply and authentically about relationship stuff and my journey with dating and love. My path to finding the love I want, creating the relationships that I want and my shortfalls and struggles with that. It's all authentic.

I haven't really shared family stuff for many reasons. Those relationships involve other people. Those are not my stories to share. I talk about myself and my journey. I do not talk about anyone else's journey. I never talk about my relationship with my daughter. She is fiercely private and an introvert. I would never do that to her. It has been a difficult struggle and the pain has been tremendous. It's not something I can write about in this format.

Who wants to read a whiny complainy blog?
Not me... and it wouldn't make me feel good to write it.

It's been a very difficult journey. One way that I made it through that space was to learn how to shift my paradigms. I talk a lot about the space around me: the hostess of my space, my happy space, etc. I have worked very hard to keep the space around me chaos free and happy. When things shift away from that, which they do... I know how to shift back to calm, focused and happy pretty quickly. Part of that for me is focusing on the positive. That comes out in my writing. It's not that I ignore the bad or unpleasant. It is that I choose to find and focus on the good. I can find something good about anything. I know that drives some people nuts... but, it is a survival technique and it has served me well. I am human and I visit those other places. It can be quite dark. I just choose not to live there.

I have lived a hundred lives; experienced more than any one person should experience in a lifetime. I would not change any of it (well, except that I still long to have a family, that hasn't changed). It has made me who I am today. It is one of the reasons that I can connect with so many different women. I am them. I have walked their path and understand their pain. I don't hurt from it anymore. But, I can have empathy because I have a deep understanding of their pain.

Looking back it is like viewing someone else's story; although it is mine. 

So much healing and growth has moved me into a new space.

Life started when I turned 40. That is why I drive everyone crazy with celebrating my birthday ALL month long. I love getting older and I love celebrating those milestones.

My past journey needs to serve a future purpose. So many of us had dreams and goals when we were young. Life happens: kids, work, marriage, healing from your childhood. At some point around 35-40 we wake up and realize that time has gotten away from us and we need to find our way back to ourselves. I was personally surviving, not thriving or living. I woke up at 35 and completely shifted my life by my 40th birthday. I see a similar path for many women and I am passionate about being the best that I can be, and helping other women find their way back to themselves too.

My journey continues to be trying to figure it all out and make life the absolute best it can be. I figured out what I wanted and I am working toward making it all happen. I do not think that there is anything that I can't do and I am making that a reality. I do the difficult work so that I can benefit from the great rewards.

I am part of a book that will be out in November: a mini-memoir and I am planning on publishing my full memoir in 2014. Both of my parents were over the top abusive, the aftermath and recovery from that led to many difficulties throughout my life. I have not spoken to either parent in 18 years. The hardest and best decision of my life. At some point you need to be able to create boundaries to protect yourself and accept people as they are OR you need to cut off ties with them. I decided to save myself and have a healthy life. I chose and continue to choose Me. I have received so much judgement about that decision over the years. I have been alienated by family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers who just don't understand. Children don't just cut their parents off for no reason. ALL of their children have had to do this. Just because we lived in a big house and had nice things doesn't mean anything.

You never know what goes on behind closed doors.... Never...       

 My Memoir is titled,  It's Not Always the Children

So... No... My life is not perfect. I have had a very long difficult road to get to where I sit today. Life still happens and I just choose to focus on the positive to keep myself balanced and moving forward.

I have and continue to Design the Life that I want... I am happy with the person that I have become and strive to continue to move through this space with grace and ease... 

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 
Designing a life with grace and ease