What is the Script that you have had in your head for years that runs your life and guides your actions? Mine has been one of survival...
I learned at an early age to push away the bad, and to compartmentalize the negative to be able to function on a daily basis. I lived in chaos as a child and needed to be able to leave that behind when I walked out of the door; a complete shift of energy when I entered the outside world. No one would know what I walked away from and would enter again at the end of the day.
My adult life has been all about shifting my paradigms, changing my scripts and releasing the things that did not serve me from my childhood.... Every time I think that I am almost done... Something else shows itself - always a work in progress. Ultimately it's all about the journey: Connecting, Relationships and my personal journey. They all overlap.
With my meltdown ( I always think I am stronger than I am) and my sister ending up in the hospital a major realization about a change in my script has come to light.
The old me would have stayed in my crisis mode and dealt with it fully, until I needed to focus on work and life... I would have pushed through and fully immersed myself in work. The need to survive, because I knew there was no one there to save me, and never reaching out for help. I never asked for help or support because I have had enough reinforcement over the years that it didn't really matter if I asked... People did not show up. So, I put up a wall to protect myself and stopped looking outward for support. Instead only taking care of myself, living fully in the extremes of each part of my compartmentalized life. Never crossing over or balancing... One compartment at a time. Head down and pushing forward. That made me very successful at some things... But, only one at a time: work, relationships, self-care....
The gift of friendship has released me from this script. No longer a pattern that I am trapped in... A gift.
Instead of turning inward with the crisis with my sister... People showed up all around me with support. I didn't need to ask, I am still not so great at that... getting better. But, I didn't need to ask... it was offered whole heartedly. The old me would have felt guilty. It was offered in such an authentic, loving way that there was no guilt. I accepted the love and friendship and acknowledge it as the gift it was....
I am attending to my family... working on my relationship with my daughter... keeping my business going... still connecting with friends... and taking a little time to heal and care for myself. This is a new script for me. A healthier more balanced life. I'm not great at all of it yet. It still needs some work. I would not have been able to sit where I am without the support and love from those around me. Those that let me be me. Love me and give me the room to expand... but, I know will never let me fall.
I had to change to be able to accept their love and support. I had to change to be approachable and I had to take down the walls that once protected me as a child... but, only kept people out as an adult...
Thank you to my friends for standing all the way around me along this path, so that I could grow and achieve all that I am meant to achieve... and never having to look back, because I know that you are standing there too... keeping me from falling. I am no longer surviving. I am Living...
I love you with all of my heart....
Kimberly
My blogs on Thursday and Friday will talk about how I transitioned and who has stood by me. All about my David... The life changing experience being in this Mastermind and what that has done for me personally and professionally... and the friends that don't even realize their imprint on my life... It's a journey for sure and I am grateful....
Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design
Designing a life with grace and ease
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