Blog Journey: What's My take Away from ALL of This?

Okay reality check. Why did this happen to me and why did it come into my life? I am more about the take-away and how I am going to grow and move forward than I am about the actual experience...

Married Man Blog.....

We all have scripts that we need to play out and lessons to learn. What are mine?

• I too have been judgmental about this topic in the past. About three weeks before this started, I had told a friend that I would never date a married man... I went on and on about it: absolute. I know for a fact that we need to be careful and thoughtful with our words and intentions... and here I sit. Will I ever learn to Never say Never? One more reminder that we are all on our personal journey. Sitting in judgement doesn't help the sender or receiver of the judgement.... It is my experience that passing judgement kind of has the same effect as anger on your body, mind and spirit: negative.

My Past Experiences:

• My first serious boyfriend and the father of my daughter cheated on me with my best friend... and others.

• What I realized as I sat talking to the married man, was that he was my Dad... Showing up in a different way. The relationship that he was describing with his wife was similar to that of my parents. Not as in the relationship, but as in the physical dynamics. It was then that it dawned on me that this was a big lesson for me. 

• My father was a liar and a cheat. He cheated on my mother my whole life. As a little girl my mother would drag me out of bed in the middle of the night and put me in the car as we drove around town looking for my dad. No cell phones then. She would find him and as I sat in the car and watched them fight outside... I knew what was going on. 

• My mother would put her head in my lap and cry to me as a very small child and share my father's escapades, so that I would feel sorry for her. I would rub her head and tell her that it would be alright; always the little adult. I was teased all through school and into my first years in college about my dad's "relationships." It's one of the reasons that I moved away as a young adult. I never knew who's mother he had been with. Humiliating for a kid in school... I could go on. You get the idea. 

• My father would talk badly about my mother. He would say things about her being fat and the way she looked, the way she acted and make excuses to me for his behavior - never admitting or discussing his affairs... just making excuses for his time away from the house. I knew. 

• They had no relationship and always said that they stayed together for the kids. That was a lie. They finally divorced after the final child had been out of the house for probably 8 years... or more. Married over 30 years. It was never for the kids. He was a horrible father.  It was a co-dependent, mutually abusive marriage. They lived together - yet apart and he was a cheat. Instead of being a man and leaving... even if it was to just make himself happy --- he lied and cheated. 

One lesson that I am probably supposed to learn is to see my father in a softer gentler way... 

I am not that evolved. Let's be authentic. His abuses were many. This is just one aspect.

It may help me see the married man in a softer gentler way, because I do understand what that could look like. Not the same as my parents, but similar.

It definitely helps me see women involved in this issue, from all angles, in a more understanding  way.

My responses and judgments have been driven by past and personal experiences... We all operate through our personal filters. Maybe I needed to have this touch my life so that I could see things from another angle.... I still have my own code of conduct and what I think is right for my life and how I want to move through this world... I guess that I just see that it is more complex than I originally gave energy to it, and that it is not black and white... It's complex.

I have to say... I really do not need to have any more difficult experiences to be able to connect with women. I have already lived so many lifetimes in this one, that I am able to identify and connect on a deep level with many. I have shared in their experiences. I will say it again... I have had enough difficult experiences and DO NOT need anymore. My life has been rich enough and I have paid attention to the lessons presented to me. 

Bring on the GOOD and the POSITIVE... 

I pay attention to all things good: BIG and SMALL... Bring them on: the GOOD!
I am READY!

Kimberly R Lifestyle by Design 

Designing a life with grace and ease